Creatures Of Habit: How Habits Shape(SHāp) Who We Are — And Who We Become

By Shankar Vedantam, Thomas Lu, Angus Chen, Rhaina Cohen, and Tara Boyle

At the beginning of the year, many of us make resolutions(ˌrezəˈlo͞oSHən) for the months to come. We vow(vou) to work out more, procrastinate less, or save more money.

Though some people stick with these aspirations(ˌaspəˈrāSHən), many of us fall short. How do we actually develop good habits and maintain them? What about breaking bad ones?

Wendy Wood, a psychology(sīˈkäləjē) professor at the University of Southern California, has some insight on this. She’s been trying to understand how habits work for the past 30 years. According to Wendy, habits are mental(ˈmentl) associations(-SHē-,əˌsōsēˈāSHən).

“When we repeat an action over and over again in a given context(ˈkänˌtekst) and then get a reward when you do that, you are learning very slowly and incrementally(ˌiNGkrəˈmen(t)əlē) to associate that context with that behavior,” she says.

Eventually, that behavior becomes automatic, to the point where we aren’t consciously thinking about the behavior anymore. Many of the things we do every day fall into this category.

“About 43 percent of everyday actions are done repeatedly almost every day in the same context,” Wendy says. “It’s very much like driving. We have this general sense(sens) that we’re doing things but it’s not driven by an active decision-making process.”

This week on Hidden(ˈhidn) Brain(brān), we consider the everyday things we do, over and over and over again, often without thinking. We hear how habits shape the course of our lives and how we can use them to make change.

https://www.npr.org/2019/12/11/787160734/creatures-of-habit-how-habits-shape-who-we-are-and-who-we-become

How to ask your mentors(ˈmenˌtôr, ˈmenˌtər) for help

By Derek Sivers

I have three mentors.

When I’m stuck on a problem and need their help, I take the time to write a good description of my dilemma(diˈlemə, dīˈlemə), before reaching out to them. I summarize(ˈsəməˌrīz) the context(ˈkänˌtekst), the problem, my options, and thoughts on each. I make it as succinct(sə(k)ˈsiNG(k)t) as possible so as not to waste(wāst) their time.

Before sending it, I try to predict what they’ll say. Then I go back and update what I wrote to address these obvious points in advance. Finally, I try again to predict what they’ll say to this, based on what they’ve said in the past and what I know of their philosophy(fəˈläsəfē).

Then, after this whole process, I realize I don’t need to bother them because the answer is now clear.

If anything, I might email to thank them for their continued inspiration(ˌinspəˈrāSHən).

Truth is, I’ve hardly talked with my mentors in years. None of them know they are my mentors. And one doesn’t know I exist(igˈzist).

https://sivers.org/ment

Songbird

By Fleetwood Mac

For you there’ll be no more crying
For you the sun will be shining
And I feel that when I’m with you
It’s alright I know it’s right
To you I’ll give the world
To you I’ll never be cold
Cause I feel that when I’m with you
It’s alright I know it’s right
And the songbirds are singing
Like they know the score
And I love you I love you I love you
Like never before
And I wish you all the love in the world
But most of all I wish it from myself
And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you I love you I love you
Like never before like never before

https://y.qq.com/n/yqq/song/0012tgtV0MEPkD.html

No More Excuses Not to Exercise

Many people say they don’t have the time to work out. But most of us spend hours each day viewing(ˈvyo͞oiNG) screens.

By Gretchen Reynolds

If, like many of us, your New Year’s resolution(ˌrezəˈlo͞oSHən) is to find more time to exercise, you may be in luck. According to a recent study of how Americans typically spend their waking hours, almost all of us have far more leisure(ˈleZHər,ˈlēZHər) time available than we think we do.

But the study shows that few of us use even a portion(ˈpôrSHən) of that free time for physical activity, raising(rāz) thought-provoking(prəˈvōkiNG) questions about what really keeps us from exercising and how we might better shape(SHāp) our days to get ourselves moving.

At the moment, about two-thirds of Americans do not meet the standard exercise guidelines of about 30 minutes a day of moderate(ˈmäd(ə)rət) exercise, such as walking. In past studies of exercise behavior(bəˈhāvyər), when researchers have asked people why they rarely(ˈre(ə)rlē) work out, the almost-invariable(inˈve(ə)rēəbəl) response has been that time is too tight(tīt). Work, family, school, travel and other obligations(ˌäbləˈɡāSH(ə)n) seem to gobble(ˈgäbəl) up the hours, they said, leaving them feeling unable(ˌənˈābəl) to sneak(snēk) in a daily walk or a workout.

But whether we are actually too busy has not been clear. Other research has teased(tēz) the idea that we may underestimate(ˌəndərˈestəˌmāt) how many hours we spend each day seated(sēt) in a chair or how much time we devote to watching television.

…
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/01/well/move/exercise-physical-activity-workout-time.html

Inside My Great Walls

By Ann Gordon

I can’t go outside today. We’re still quarantined(ˈkwôrənˌtēn)…..

It’s about protection from germs(jərm) and keeping our hands cleaned!
No playing with sticks or collecting rocks.
Can’t wade(wād) in the creek(krik,krēk), or build bridges or docks.

I wanna run and play through the whole neighborhood.
Ride(rīd) my scooter(ˈsko͞odər) with friends and build forts in the wood.
If I COULD go outside there’d be SO much I’d do.
At the end of the day, I’d STILL not be through!

I know I’d go first to my secret(ˈsēkrit) bog,
Finding frogs(fräg,frôg) and salamandars(ˈsaləˌmandər) under some logs.
But I can’t. I can’t go outside…
…..this day or the next.
And honestly I’m feeling bored(bôrd) and perplexed(pərˈplekst).

We may have to stay in even longer somehow.
Not sure how long, but longer than NOW!
So what can I do? Inside these rooms?
I pity(ˈpidē) the caterpillars(ˈkadə(r)ˌpilər) inside cocoons(kəˈko͞on).

I would play with my brother but he speaks gobbledygook(-ˌgo͞ok,ˈgäbəldēˌgo͝ok)!
I’ve done all the puzzles(ˈpəzəl), read every book.
Nothing’s new…my toys are rundown.
I’ve played with them right-side and upside down.

I’m stuck with myself, not with friends two or three.
There’s nothing exciting. What can I do with just me?
Bless(bles) my parents! They’ve tried in so many ways.
Even so, I’m expecting some boring days.

I’ll just go clean my room 😔
…
But wait!….what’s that creeping(krēp) across my floor?
A shadow is sliding under my door?

It’s inching towards me! It’s beginning to grow.
Fear trembles(ˈtrembəl) inside me…THIS much I know!
It’s opening its enormous(iˈnôrməs) gigantic(jīˈɡan(t)ik) jaws(jô)!
And grabbing(grab) the floor with its paleolithic(ˌpālēəˈliTHik) claws(klô).

I clinch(klinCH) my teeth and raise(rāz) my fists(fist).
How else do I deal with a fright(frīt) such as this?
Those teeth look so scary(ˈske(ə)rē)! I brace(brās) for the worst
I should not have complained. Now I’m accursed(əˈkərst, əˈkərsəd).
.…
Then something happens and I shift to delight.

Bright(brīt) colors start spilling over his teeth.
They spread all over the floor underneath(ˌəndərˈnēTH).
Splashing(splaSH) and splattering(ˈspladər) on each thing they touch
Makes my room a rainbow! I love it SO much!

What IS this creature that has come to visit?
Is it made of shadows and light? What IS it?
It spills(spil) beautiful colors that could be a mess(mes)!
I’ll wipe it all clean before it’s seen…UNLESS…

First, I think I’ll spend JUST a second to explore
This awesome(ˈôsəm) paint(pānt) all over the floor!
My day inside has finally begun.
And I have a feeling it’ll be LOTS of fun!

So what makes today so different and strange?
I’m still stuck inside. There’s been no change.
That’s really no dragon that’s entered my door.
It’s a picture that came to my head from the floor.

But something has shifted inside of my head.
Adventures are filling it so full instead.
I grab my paintbrush(ˈpāntˌbrəSH) and out of it grows
Greens(grēn), into grays(grā), into blues…A CREEK! It flows!

My mom will be furious(ˈfyo͝orēəs) about colors all spilled.
Here she comes! OH! NO! But instead she is THRILLED(THril)!?
Hmm…whatever is changing me, she’s also got!
Our same old home that was boring IS NOT!

No matter what’s happening inside of my mind.
Painting creeks on the floor?!! Mom would not be inclined(inˈklīn).
We’ve been in our house so long, day and night.
That our brains have begun to make our own delight!

My mom paints salamanders, toads and frogs.
My dad paints fallen(ˈfôlən) trees and murky(ˈmərkē) old bogs(bäg,bôg)
We flip all the chairs to make a bridge to cross.
If Mossy(ˈmôsē) were here, she’d be painting the moss(môs)!

My brother sits happily in our colorful creek!
Just like fishes and trolls(trōl) who speak Gobbledygeek!
None of us notice the time on the clock.
We’re enjoying the view from our bridge and our dock!

The day that I thought would be the dullest(dəl) of all
Has been an adventure beyond any Great Wall!
If we can keep making our minds turnaround,
I think we will love being homebound!!!

Love and Mercy(ˈmərsē)

By Brian Wilson

I was sitting in a crummy(ˈkrəmē) movie(ˈmo͞ovē)
With my hands on my chin(CHin)
All the violence(ˈvī(ə)ləns) that occurs(əˈkər)
Seems like we never win
Love and mercy that’s what you need tonight so
Love and mercy to you and your friends tonight
I was lying(ˈlī-iNG) in my room
And the news came on TV
A lot of people out there hurting
And it really scares(ske(ə)r) me
Love and mercy that’s what you need tonight so
Love and mercy to you and your friends tonight
I was standing in a bar
And watching all the people there
Oh the loneliness in this world
Well it’s just not fair
Love and mercy to you to you
Love and mercy that’s what you need tonight so
Love and mercy to you and your friends tonight
Love and mercy that’s what you need tonight
Love and mercy tonight

https://y.qq.com/n/yqq/song/003ccUjD03VpQk.html

Why Is Beauty Important to Us?

WE ASKED WRITERS, SCIENTISTS(ˈsīəntist), ACTORS, DESIGNERS AND OTHERS TO EXPLAIN THE INDISPENSABILITY(ˌindəˌspensəˈbilədē) OF BEAUTY IN OUR EVERYDAY LIVES.

Humans have engaged(enˈgājd) with the concept(ˈkänˌsept) of beauty for millennia(məˈlenēə), trying to define it while being defined by it.

Plato(ˈplādō) thought that merely(ˈmi(ə)rlē) contemplating(ˈkän(t)əmˌplāt) beauty caused “the soul to grow wings(wiNG).” Ralph(ralf) Waldo(ˈwôldō) Emerson(ˈemərsən) found beauty in Raphael’s(ˈrafēəl,ˈrā-,ˈrāfēəl,ˌräfīˈel) “The Transfiguration(transˌfigyəˈrāSHən),” writing that “a calm(kä(l)m) benignant(bəˈniɡnənt) beauty shines(SHīn) over all this picture, and goes directly to the heart.” In “My Skin,” Lizzo sings: “The most beautiful thing that you ever seen is even bigger than what we think it means.”

We asked a group of artists, scientists, writers and thinkers to answer this simple question: Why is beauty, however defined, so important in our lives? Here are their responses.

Neil Degrasse Tyson
ASTROPHYSICIST(ˌastrōˈfizisəst)

Who wouldn’t argue that some things are objectively beautiful? Much of what we can see in the natural world would surely qualify(ˈkwäləˌfī): sunsets, snow-capped mountains, waterfalls, wildflowers. Images of these scenes(sēn), which please(plēz) and soothe(so͞oT͟H) our senses(sens), are among the most reproduced(ˌrēprəˈd(y)o͞os) in all of civilization(ˌsivələˈzāSHən).

It’s true, of course, that we’re not the only creatures attracted to flowers. Bees and butterflies can’t resist(rəˈzist) them either — but that’s because they need flowers to survive(sərˈvīv).

Lying(ˈlī-iNG) at the opposite(ˈäpəzət) end of the beauty spectrum(ˈspektrəm) are reptiles(ˈreptəl,ˈrepˌtīl). They’ve had it pretty bad. Across decades of science fiction(ˈfikSHən), their countenance(ˈkountn-əns) has served as the model for a long line of ugly(ˈəglē) monsters, from Godzilla(gädˈzilə) to the Creature in the “Creature From the Black Lagoon(ləˈgo͞on)” to the Gorn in “Star Trek(trek).”

There may be a good reason for our instinctive(inˈstiNG(k)tiv) attraction to some things and distaste(disˈtāst) for others. If our mammalian(məˈmālēən) ancestors(ˈanˌsestər), running underfoot, hadn’t feared reptilian(-ˈtilyən,repˈtilēən) dinosaurs(ˈdīnəˌsôr) they would have been swiftly eaten. Similarly, nearly everyone would agree that the harmless butterfly is more beautiful than the stinger(ˈstiNGər)-equipped bee — with the possible exception of beekeepers.

Risk of bodily(ˈbädl-ē) harm appears to matter greatly in our collective assessment(əˈsesmənt) of what is or is not beautiful. Beauty could very well be a way for our senses to reassure(ˌrēəˈSHo͝or) us when we feel safe in a dangerous universe.

If so, I can’t help but wonder(ˈwəndər) how much beauty lies just out of reach, hidden(ˈhidn) in plain(plān) sight(sīt), simply because we have no more than five senses with which to experience the world.

…
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/12/07/opinion/elizabeth-blackburn-why-is-beauty-important.html

Heed(hēd) your fears(fi(ə)r)

By Derek Sivers

People often ask me how they can get over their fears. For example, they are scared(ske(ə)rd) to quit their job and start a business(ˈbiznəs).

I think they want me to say something to make their fears go away. So my advice is pretty disappointing.

We should pay attention to our fears. They often have good reason.

Instead of ignoring(igˈnôr) them, we need to address them. Break it down, and look deeper into what’s inside them. Address and mitigate(ˈmitəˌgāt) the specifics. It usually means you need to learn a little more. Look before you leap(lēp).

Always ask, “What’s the worst(wərst) that could happen?” Because sometimes the only problem was not realizing that the worst case scenario(-ˈnär-,səˈne(ə)rēˌō) isn’t bad at all.

But don’t just tell yourself to get over it or ignore it.

…
https://sivers.org/gofear

My mask

By Nathan Jones

This story is dedicated to every child who’s wearing a mask.

My mask is named Smiley(ˈsmīlē) Peek-a-boo.
And yours?

This is me.
I know … pretty cute(kyo͞ot) right?
I’m also brave, reliable, and good at my job.
(Can I have a close-up please?)

Thank you.
Now you can see my smile!
A face mask, like me, starts out with a special dream.

A dream of changing the world.
To be a hero and keep someone safe.
This is what every face mask dreams of and trains for.

We train in the rain and the snow and the hot sun.
Faster !
Stronger !
Safer !

Training helps us get ready to do our job.
But every mask’s future comes down to one moment.

You get chosen by someone and become their protector.
Or…

You don’t get chosen.
And spend your days waiting in a storage(ˈstôrij) box.
It’s dark, quiet(ˈkwīət) and lonely.
Me? I was lucky.

I was chosen for a very special kid.
At first she didn’t want to wear me, but I knew we would become great friends.

We went walking together. We read books together. We rode in the car together.

One day we even imagined flying together.
Protecting her made me happy and I think she felt happy too.

Every night when we went to bed, I dreamed about the day we had.

I wanted to tell her how proud I felt to be her mask. That she was amazing in a thousand different ways.
And say, “thank you” for always taking good care of me.

Then one day it happened.
Her dad said, “You don’t have to wear a mask anymore.”
I was happy for her…

It was time for us to say goodbye.
I would be thrown(THrōn) away now.
I didn’t cry though.
All my dream had come true.
Now it was time for her to realize her dreams.

On the way home, she walked past trash(traSH) bins and recycling(ˌrēˈsīkliNG) bins.
What was she thinking?

At home she walked right past the waste(wāst) basket(ˈbaskət).
Had she forgotten me?

She sat down in her room and started drawing.

When she finished coloring, I knew 100% that she would always remember me.

https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/IwJAg-WMP7gAUZ_5PhgmVw

I’m single and I’m fine with it – don’t pity(ˈpidē) me

By Carrie Freedman

I ran into a work acquaintance(əˈkwāntəns) the other day. She asked if I had someone “special” in my life. “Nope(nōp),” I replied with a smile. But she looked concerned(kənˈsərnd) and assured(əˈSHo͝ord) me not to worry, that I was “a catch” and would find someone soon. While her sentiment(ˈsen(t)əmənt) was well meaning, I found it irksome(ˈərksəm). Who said I was looking for someone?

She is not the first to suggest my being single required condolences(kənˈdōləns). Many people, especially those in a relationship, make assumptions(əˈsəm(p)SHən) about single people. After my divorce(dəˈvôrs), the first assumption I was confronted(kənˈfrənt) with was that the divorce was a result of infidelity(ˌinfəˈdelədē) or abuse(əˈbyo͞oz). When they discovered it was neither, I was often met with disdain(disˈdān). People had a hard time understanding my decision. To end a marriage(ˈmarij), especially when there were children involved (and there were), seemed a selfish act. Why couldn’t we just suck it up, at least for the kids’ sake(sāk,ˈsäkē) ?

The truth is, my marriage dissolved(dəˈzälv) because it was a toxic(ˈtäksik) relationship. Ultimately(ˈəltəmətlē), both of us knew the marriage needed to end. There were no extramarital(ˌekstrəˈmerədl) affairs(əˈfe(ə)r), no big dramas(ˈdrämə) that broke us up. It was simply years and years of trying to make it work, and finally recognizing that it was not going to.

Not everyone was disdainful(disˈdānfəl). A good number of people offered me their pity. This also felt odd(äd). I had made a choice that ultimately improved my life and my children’s lives. If you want to pity someone, pity those that stay in stale(stāl) relationships because the unknown is too terrifying. For some people, stability(stəˈbilədē) is comforting. It doesn’t matter if that stability is suffocating(ˈsəfəˌkāt) the life out of them.

Another assumption I encounter is that I am lonely because I am single. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. When I was married, I was painfully lonely – I cried a lot more and laughed a lot less. I remember going to sleep at night with my partner lying(ˈlī-iNG) next to me, both of us worlds apart, and the piercing(ˈpi(ə)rsiNG) loneliness that invaded(inˈvād) me in those moments.

Being single does not mean being without love. Love is all around us.

…
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-im-single-and-im-fine-with-it-dont-pity-me/