feels empty

defined by family

By Henry H. Walker

the house feels empty,
and I feel partial(ˈpärSHəl),
as if part of me has been cut off,

our sons, and their wives(wīvz),
are vital(ˈvīdl) to who I am,
and they are no longer here,
gone back to the immediacy(iˈmēdēəsē)
of their own workaday worlds,
of their own everyday worlds,
our grandchildren, also,
gone back to the immediacy of home,
of friends, of where on earth
they stake(stāk) the flag of their moments,

yet, just as in math, or language, or the spatial(ˈspāSHəl), or the heart,
there is an abstract(abˈstrakt, ˈabˌstrakt) reality below and behind the concrete present,

we are a family, bonded and knowing much of who we are
because we connect so surely to each other,

I cannot ever appreciate my wife enough,
for in the house, empty of children and grandchildren,
I still hold a treasure(ˈtreZHər), and she holds me,

I feel a miracle(ˈmirək(ə)l) of love where each of us
knows and appreciates the other,
which in turn allows us to appreciate
the worth of our own selves.

https://henryspoetry.blogspot.com/2020/01/feels-empty.html

New Year’s Resolution(ˌrezəˈlo͞oSHən)

By 王渊源John

Lots of people like to start the new year with a New Year’s resolution. Or two. Or three.

What is a New Year’s resolution? It’s usually a commitment to do something throughout the New Year. It might be a goal, like losing weight or gaining(gān) weight or getting a new job, but often it is a daily habit, like getting up early(ˈərlē) or exercising every day.

Some people love New Year’s resolutions. They think that the beginning of a new year is a great time to start something new and make a commitment. Other people hate New Year’s Resolutions. They think that the beginning of a new year is just an arbitrary(ˈärbəˌtrerē) date, and people never stick(stik) to their resolutions.

I’ve never had much luck with New Year’s resolutions myself, but I kind of love them anyway. To be honest, I can’t remember any specific New Year’s resolutions that I have made in the past, and I’m fairly certain(ˈsərtn) that I have never kept any. Despite that, I love the idea of making a commitment to improve, and I do like to use the changing of the year on the calendar(ˈkaləndər) as a chance to reflect and plan.

This year, I want to make a New Year’s resolution, and I plan to keep it. I’ve thought about what I would like to do, and there is one habit that I know brings the most value to my life and yet is something that I rarely(ˈre(ə)rlē) do: journaling(ˈjərnl).

So, this year my commitment to myself is to journal every day. I’m going to start by journaling at night, but it doesn’t matter when I do it, and the habit may at some point migrate(ˈmīˌgrāt) to the morning. I’ll probably start journaling on my computer, but I may migrate to paper at some point during the year (it might improve my handwriting!). I can be flexible about the details, but my commitment is to write at least something in my journal each day.

Do you think I will be able to keep the habit up throughout the year?

https://j.youzan.com/agGqZY

How to be a better friend

By Tara Parker-Pope

Whether it’s Mary(ˈmerē) and Rhoda, Woody and Buzz(bəz) Lightyear, or the 20-somethings of “Friends,” Hollywood(ˈhälēˌwo͝od) has long celebrated the power of friendship. And with good reason. A true friend gives support without judgment, comes through in a crisis(ˈkrīsis) and knows just the right thing to say when it matters most. Friendships are an essential ingredient(iNG-,inˈgrēdēənt) in a happy life, so it’s time to give them the care and attention they deserve. Keep reading to learn why friendships matter, how to sustain(səˈstān) them and the simple steps you can take right now to be a better friend.

The Benefits of Friendship

Family relationships often come with a dose(dōs) of guilt(gilt) and obligation(ˌäbləˈɡāSH(ə)n). Friends, on the other hand, are the antidote(ˈan(t)iˌdōt) to the burdens of daily life.

Friends Share the Load(lōd)

How powerful is friendship? Researchers at the University of Virginia(vərˈjinyə) wanted to find out whether friendship influences how we approach the challenges of daily life. In an unusual experiment, researchers stood at the base of a steep(stēp) hill (a 26 degree incline(inˈklīn)) on the university campus(ˈkampəs) and asked 34 students as they walked by to help them in an experiment. Some students were by themselves; others were walking in pairs.

Each student was given a backpack filled with weights equal to about 20 percent of their body weight. While the students may have had the impression they were going to have to climb(klīm) the hill, the researchers simply asked them to estimate(ˈestəˌmāt) how steep the climb would be.

Notably(ˈnōdəblē), students standing alone perceived(pərˈsēv) the hill slant(slant) as steeper and thought it would be harder to climb while carrying the weighted pack. But students who were standing next to a friend thought the hill looked easier to climb and gave lower estimates of its steepness. Interestingly, the longer the two friends had known each other, the less steep the hill appeared.

…
https://www.nytimes.com/guides/smarterliving/how-to-be-a-better-friend

365-Day Challenges(ˈCHalənj)

By Steve Pavlina

…

I’m considering a 365-day challenge for 2020 that might be a little crazy – okay, a lot crazy – but could also create tons of extra ripples.

I’m on the fence(fens) about doing this but currently am leaning(ˈlēniNG) towards it.

The challenge would be to publish a new blog post every day of 2020, so 365 posts for the year. A post could be text, audio, or video. If it’s video then I’ll likely post it to YouTube(ˈyo͞oˌt(y)o͞ob) as well.

I wouldn’t have to create content every day per(pər) se(ˈsā), just publish something new each day. So I could batch-create sometimes, like record(ˈrekərd) a few videos in a row. But most of the time I prefer to publish right after I create.

The most I’ve ever blogged in a year was probably 150-200 posts, and that was many years ago. I’ve done multiple 30-day blogging challenges and of course lots of other 30-day challenges too. In 2017 I did a 30-day video challenge while water fasting.

I’ve also done some 365-day challenges before like for daily exercise (twice). And Rachelle has been doing daily yoga(ˈyōgə) for more than 2 years now without missing a day (she loves Yoga with Adriene(ā) workouts on YouTube).

One nice benefit of completing(kəmˈplēt) a full 365-day challenge is that it serves as a powerful reference(ˈref(ə)rəns) experience for life. I still remember my first 365-day exercise challenge from 1997 (minimum 25 minutes of cardio(ˈkärdēō) per day), which I think was instrumental in eventually running the L.A. Marathon(ˈmarəˌTHän) a few years later. It elevates(ˈeləˌvāt) your self-image about what you think is possible for you.

A 365-day challenge can feel pretty(ˈpridē) edgy(ˈejē) because if you miss a single day, it will probably feel like you failed. Who wants to experience that six months in? But that same edginess(ˈejēnəs) also nudges(nəj) you to raise(rāz) your standards and move beyond your comfort zone. Such a commitment once nudged me to go running at 2am in the rain while I had a cold, after a long day at a workshop followed by a long drive. I was dead tired but still did it. It was physically hard but spiritually(ˈspiriCH(o͞o)əlē) powerful. I wasn’t going to miss a day halfway through the year. I still remember that run 22+ years later because of what it meant to me at the time. And now I have the gift of knowing that I’m capable of exercising every day for year without making excuses because I’ve done it twice before.

…

Let’s Do It!

I wrote the part above yesterday. Now on the morning of the 26th as I’m getting ready to post this, I also feel ready to say yes to it. So yeah, I’ll do it.

Simply sharing this idea with others when I felt 60-70% ready helped me process how I felt about it. That resulted in extra encouragement from friends, along with several other people stepping up and saying they’re ready to take on similar challenges for 2020. So this isn’t just about me or my blog. It’s already creating ripples(ˈripəl) well beyond, and 2020 hasn’t even started yet. Maybe posting this to my blog as well will encourage other people to join in… or at least to consider stepping outside their comfort zones for 2020.

…
https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2019/12/365-day-challenges/

New Year’s Eve(ēv)

By 王渊源John

The traditional(trəˈdiSHənl) thing to do in the United States on New Year’s Eve is to go to a party and wait for midnight. If it’s an indoor party there will often be a TV on and people will watch the countdown(ˈkoun(t)doun) as it happens in a big public square(skwe(ə)r). Of course, some people actually go to the large public squares and celebrate there. Frequently there is a large object that will “fall” — or be lowered down — from a high location. The most famous public square on New Year’s is Times Square in New York City, where a big ball drops from the roof of One Times Square. In my home state of North Carolina, there is a big acorn(ˈāˌkôrn) that drops from somewhere in some square in Raleigh(ˈrä-,ˈrôlē), the state capital.

I’ve never been much of a partier, so I haven’t been to many of the public celebrations. When I was younger, I would often go to a friend’s house to celebrate the New Year; now, especially since having kids, I’m often in bed before midnight!

In 1999, though, a group of college friends and I decided to drive to New Orleans(ˈôrlēənz, ôrˈlē(ə)nz), a well-know party city, to celebrate the turn of the millennium(məˈlenēəm). We met at my house in NC, and drove my Dad’s Chevy(ˈSHevē) Suburban(səˈbərbən) for the trip. We taped a sign to the back of the car that said, “New Orleans or Bust!” Somewhere along the way we got pulled over for speeding (I was driving), and the first thing the officer said was, “Well, you were going to New Orleans, and you got busted!”. I’m sure we made his day.

We picked up a friend in Atlanta(at-,ətˈlantə), and met another friend in New Orleans. The city is well known for its crazy party scene(sēn) that can last from New Year’s to Mardi(ˈmärdē) Gras(ˌgrä) in March, and the streets were swarming with revelers(ˈrevələr). I don’t remember many details, but there was drinking, nudity(ˈn(y)o͞odətē) and something to do with beads(bēd). I’m still not much of a partier, but I it was a great time with friends, and I’m glad we made the trip.

This year, though, I’m happy to be at home for New Year’s Eve with my wife and our two boys.

Handwriting(ˈhan(d)ˌrīdiNG)

By 王渊源John

When I shared my “Letter(ˈledər) to Santa” last week, I had meant to type it up so that readers would have a clear transcript(ˈtran(t)skript) to follow along with, but I never got around to it. Many of you commented(ˈkämˌent) on my terrifying(ˈterəˌfī) handwriting, so I thought I would share two stories today…

First Story

When I first came to China we had afternoon electives(əˈlektiv) at school, and we could choose between Tai Qi and Chinese Calligraphy(kəˈligrəfē). I chose(CHo͞oz) calligraphy.

Now, I’m left-handed, which is kind of an excuse for my bad handwriting, although I know many left-handers who have beautiful handwriting. I took my calligraphy set and laid(lād) everything out on the table and started to follow along with the class.

The teacher walked around the class to observer our work, and when she got to me she said, “In Chinese Calligraphy we write with our right hand.” I told her that I was left-handed, and that I was sorry, but I was sure it would be okay.

She said, “Maybe you should take Tai Qi.”

Second Story

When I was a young child in the 1980s, my teachers noticed that I had poor handwriting, and they suggested that my parents take me to a “handwriting therapist(ˈTHerəpəst)” to see if they could help.

So my parents made an appointment with a physical therapist who specialized in handwriting. The physical therapist and a couple of assistants took me into a special room, watched me as I wrote, and gave me various(ˈve(ə)rēəs) pens and pencils with different grips(grip).

After an hour or so of testing, they conferred(kənˈfər) with each other, and then delivered(dəˈlivər) their verdict(ˈvərdikt) to my parents:

“Maybe you should get him a computer.”

https://j.youzan.com/3KlfHY

Getting to the Way of Less

By Leo Babauta

Once you’ve identified the essentials(əˈsen(t)SHəl), getting to the Way of Less is the next part of the journey(ˈjərnē).

We won’t go into the details(dəˈtāl, ˈdētāl) of it right now, but here are some key points to this journey:

Identify the essentials. As we talked about in the section above, it’s important to identify what’s most essential to you — in your life, digitally(ˈdijidəlē), with your possessions(pəˈzeSHən), projects, and so on. Get clear on this.

Start decluttering(ˈdēklətər) the rest, one chunk at a time. Now start to let go of the rest. Do you have big commitments, projects, activities that have been taking up your time but not on the essentials list? Start to let them go. Do you have a lot of clutter beyond your essential possessions? Start to let those go as well. Digital distractions, huge reading and watching lists, all of the aspirations(ˌaspəˈrāSHən) that you don’t have time for — start to let them go! Just a little bit at a time — otherwise it can get overwhelming. It’s the same as how you eat an elephant: one bite(bīt) at a time.

Learn to cope(kōp) (and thrive(THrīv)) without the buying & overdoing. Now here’s the thing we need to start to shift, in the Way of Less — not needing to buy things to deal with stress, sadness, loneliness(ˈlōnlēnəs). Not needing to always be busy. To be willing to feel what we feel, and be OK with it — that’s a key skill. It starts with meditation, but cultivating(ˈkəltəˌvāt) the capacity(kəˈpasədē) to be present with your feelings is a lifetime practice. It’s what we train with in my Fearless Training Program — you can start with the Fearless Purpose training package.

Find joy in the things that matter to you. Now that you’ve let go of most of the non-essential things, the key is to stop looking for happiness and comfort in everything else … and start finding the joy in the things that you’ve kept. The things that matter most to you. Find joy in very little. This is another lifetime practice, but you can do it today. Find one thing on your short list of essentials (like my mission, loved ones, learning & healthy life), and see if you can find joy in it.

Start saying no to the rest more often. And here’s another key step that we often forget about — once you create some space for the things that matter, stop saying yes to everything else. As much as you’re able to. Don’t let things creep(krēp) back in. I have to either keep this front of mind, so that I am saying no as a general rule … or come back to it when I start to forget. I know that I’ve forgotten when I don’t have enough room for what’s important.
Enjoy the space. It’s not just finding joy in the things that matter. It’s also finding joy in having some breathing room. Having some space. Not needing to keep doing, but to stop and just be. Just notice. Just breathe. Relax(rəˈlaks) into it. Very few people actually allow themselves to do this, without needing to fill everything up with reading, watching, doing, responding, talking, moving, acting. Enjoy the empty space, as if it were just as important as all the rest.

https://zenhabits.net/way-less/

Most people would rather lose(lo͞oz) their job to a robot than another human

By Chelsea(ˈCHelsē) Whyte

If you were going to lose your job, would you prefer to be replaced by a robot or another person? If you said robot, you’re in the majority(-ˈjär-,məˈjôrətē). Most people would prefer a robot to take their job if they had to lose it, but they would prefer to see another human step in if a co-worker was going to lose theirs.

“Being replaced by modern technology versus being replaced by humans has different psychological(ˌsīkəˈläjəkəl) consequences(-ˌkwens,ˈkänsikwəns),” says Armin Granulo(ˈɡranyo͞olō) at Technical University of Munich(-niKH,ˈmyo͞onik) in Germany. He and his colleagues(ˈkälˌēg) set out to examine(igˈzamən) these differences(ˈdif(ə)rəns).

They asked 300 people to judge(jəj) whether they would prefer an existing member of staff to be replaced by a robot or a human. In that case, 62 per cent of people said they preferred to have a human step in. But when they were asked to shift their perspective and imagine losing their own job, 37 per cent preferred being replaced by a human rather than a robot.

In a follow up, Granulo and his team asked 251 people to indicate the intensity(inˈtensədē) of their negative emotions such as sadness, anger or frustration when considering new employees(emˈploi-ē,ˌemploiˈē) being replaced by humans or robots. When the questions referred(rəˈfər) to replacing other people’s jobs with robots, the respondents said they had stronger negative emotions than when they considered losing their own job to a robot.

…
https://www.newscientist.com/article/2212417-most-people-would-rather-lose-their-job-to-a-robot-than-another-human/

A Visit from St. Nicholas(ˈnik(ə)ləs)

By Clement(ˈklemənt) Clarke(klärk) Moore(mo͝or)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring(ˈstəriNG), not even a mouse;
The stockings(ˈstäkiNG) were hung(həNG) by the chimney(ˈCHimnē) with care(ke(ə)r),
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled(ˈnesəl) all snug(snəg) in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums(pləm) danced in their heads;
And mamma(ˈmamə) in her ‘kerchief(-ˌCHēf,ˈkərCHəf), and I in my cap,
Had just settled(ˈsedl) our brains(brān) for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn(lôn) there arose(əˈrōz) such a clatter(ˈkladər),
I sprang(spraNG) from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew(flo͞o) like a flash(flaSH),
Tore(tôr) open the shutters(ˈSHədər) and threw(THro͞o) up the sash(saSH).
The moon on the breast(brest) of the new-fallen(ˈfôlən) snow,
Gave(ɡāv) a lustre(ˈləstər) of midday(ˈmidˈdā) to objects below(bəˈlō),
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature(-ˌCHo͝or,ˈmin(ē)əCHər) sleigh(slā) and eight tiny(ˈtīnē) rein(rān)-deer,
With a little old driver so lively(ˈlīvlē) and quick,
I knew(n(y)o͞o) in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid(ˈrapid) than eagles(ˈēgəl) his coursers(ˈkôrsər) they came,
And he whistled(ˈ(h)wisəl), and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher(ˈdaSHər)! now, Dancer! now Prancer(prans) and Vixen(ˈviksən)!
On, Comet(ˈkämət)! on, Cupid(ˈkyo͞opəd)! on, Donner(ˈdänər) and Blitzen(blits)!
To the top of the porch(pôrCH)! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As leaves that before the wild(wīld) hurricane(ˈhəriˌkān) fly,
When they meet with an obstacle(ˈäbstəkəl), mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With the sleigh(slā) full of toys, and St. Nicholas too—
And then, in a twinkling(ˈtwiNGkəl), I heard(hərd) on the roof
The prancing(prans) and pawing(pô) of each little hoof(ho͝of,ho͞of).
As I drew in my head, and was turning(ˈtərniNG) around,
Down the chimney(ˈCHimnē) St. Nicholas came with a bound(bound).
…
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/43171

A Blind(blīnd) Man Sees His Birthday Candles Again, Thanks to a Bionic(bīˈänik) Eye

A brain(brān) implant(imˈplant) helped restore his sight after a tragic(ˈtrajik) car crash

By Emily Mullin

December 2011, a horrific(həˈrifik) car accident(ˈaksədənt) knocked(näk) Jason(ˈjāsən) Esterhuizen unconscious(ˌənˈkänSHəs). When he woke up in a hospital in Pretoria(prəˈtôrēə), South Africa(ˈafrəkə), hours away from his hometown, he couldn’t see. The crash had destroyed his eyes and left him completely blind.

Esterhuizen was devastated(ˈdevəˌstāt). At the time, he was 23 and studying to become an airline pilot(ˈpīlət). The first two years after the accident were the hardest. “Life changes in an instant,” he tells OneZero. “I used to fly airplanes and ride motorcycles(ˈmōdərˌsīk(ə)l) and drive(drīv) my own car.”

Esterhuizen eventually got mobility(mōˈbilədē) training and learned how to read braille(brāl), use assistive(əˈsistiv) devices, and work on a computer. Then, in 2013, he tuned(t(y)o͞on) in to a TV news segment(ˈseɡmənt) about a company developing a brain implant that could create artificial(ˌärdəˈfiSHəl) vision for people like him. Second Sight, based in Sylmar, California, had just won approval(əˈpro͞ovəl) in the United States for a retinal(ˈretn(ə)l) implant designed to assist people with blindness caused by a rare(re(ə)r) genetic(jəˈnedik) disorder called retinitis(ˌretnˈīdəs) pigmentosa(ˈpiɡmənt). Esterhuizen wasn’t a candidate(ˈkandiˌdāt, ˈkandidət) for that device, but by 2018 the company had developed a brain implant that could change his life.

Now part of a small clinical(ˈklinək(ə)l) trial(ˈtrī(ə)l), Esterhuizen is one of six blind patients to receive the experimental device, called the Orion(əˈrīən). It’s meant to provide artificial vision to people who have gone blind from a wide range of causes, including glaucoma(glôˈkōmə), diabetic(ˌdīəˈbedik) retinopathy(ˌretnˈäpəTHē), optic(ˈäptik) nerve(nərv) injury or disease, and eye injury. If it works and is proven safe, it and other brain implants could potentially help many more people who are blind.

…

https://onezero.medium.com/a-blind-man-sees-his-birthday-candles-again-thanks-to-a-bionic-eye-be0d3d987e48