You Can Change Today

By Steve Pavlina

Let’s consider four different variations(ˌve(ə)rēˈāSHən) on the title of this post, each emphasizing(ˈemfəˌsīz) a different word.

YOU Can Change Today

You are the driving force of change in your life. You don’t have to wait for something external(ikˈstərnl) to happen first. You don’t need anyone else’s permission(pərˈmiSHən). If some part of your life is going to change, it’s up to you and you alone(əˈlōn).

…

Change is personal.

You CAN Change Today

Even when you don’t see it, you still have the ability to create change. Change is always a possibility. You’re not stuck in a tunnel(tunnel). There are exits all around you at every point. You can stop, leave, or change course.

…

There’s a way to change now.

You Can CHANGE Today

Living today the same as you did yesterday is optional. Today could be a little different. Today could be radically(ˈradək(ə)lē) different.

Sometimes change happens to us. A big event occurs, and it grabs our attention and makes us focus elsewhere. The shift in focus creates change.

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What will you do today that you’ve never done before?

That idea that just popped into your head…

The one you just tried to suppress…

Yup, that one…

Yes, really….

What if you did it today?

You Can Change TODAY

Your power to create change exists now, in the present moment. Change doesn’t happen yesterday or tomorrow, only today. Every yesterday and every tomorrow exists beyond the realm(relm) of change. But today is always within that realm.

…

It’s good to remind yourself direct action can make today a day of change.

What part of you wants to change today?

https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2020/02/you-can-change-today/

Review of “Raise(rāz) the Red Lantern(ˈlantərn)”

By Roger Ebert

The Chinese film “Raise the Red Lantern” (1991), like the Japanese film “Woman in the Dunes(d(y)o͞on)” (1960), is about sexual(ˈsekSHo͞oəl) enslavement(enˈslāvmənt). In both films, the protagonist(prōˈtaɡənəst, prəˈtaɡənəst) enters a closed system from which there is no escape, and life is ruled by long-established “customs.” In the Japanese film, a woman captures a man, who spends the night in her home at the bottom of a hole in the desert(ˈdezərt) and finds in the morning that the escape ladder(ˈladər) has been removed. In the Chinese film, a 19-year-old college student drops out of school after her father dies; when her stepmother is unwilling to support her, she agrees to become the concubine(ˈkäNGkyəˌbīn) of a rich man–his “Fourth Mistress(ˈmistris).” All four concubines live in a house they are not allowed to leave.

It’s difficult to say how realistic either film is intended to be.

I have always read “Woman in the Dunes” as a parable(ˈparəbəl), although evidence exists that people do, or did, live in such desert shelters(ˈSHeltər). Zhang Yimou’s “Raise the Red Lantern” is set in China in 1920, when concubines were commonplace, but I suspect the conditions of this particular house, long the residence(ˈrez(ə)dəns,ˈrezəˌdens) of the wealthy(ˈwelTHē) Chen family, are unique.

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https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-raise-the-red-lantern-1990

The Honest Guide to Mindfulness, Part 2

By Leo Babauta

…

Mindfulness pulls the rug(rəg) out from under your feet. Let’s say you’ve been practicing meditation for a few months, and you think you’re getting the hang(haNG) of it. All of a sudden, everything you think you knew about meditation can be upended(ˌəpˈend), as you learn something new, or as a new pattern starts to come up. Now you have to adjust to that. After a few months, you might think you know a thing or two, and then you read a book or listen to a talk from a teacher, and that gets yanked(yaNGk) away from you too. Over and over, you get upended, and it can be very jarring(ˈjäriNG) each time.

Mindfulness can be jarring when you get upended. And that’s part of the magic too — feeling like we are on solid(ˈsäləd) ground is an illusion(iˈlo͞oZHən), and learning to deal with the groundlessness of not knowing is an incredible practice.

Mindfulness takes a metric(ˈmetrik) crap(krap)-ton(tôN,tən) of practice. You’ll suck at meditation (or any other mindfulness practice) when you first start. You can’t “do it right” or keep your attention on anything for very long. Don’t worry, you never really master it! It’s all continual(kənˈtinyo͞oəl) practice, without ever feeling like you know exactly what you’re doing. You practice and practice, and then practice some more. You might make some progress, only to find out that you still have so much more to learn.

It takes a crapload of practice, and that’s a beautiful thing to open up to.

You’ll think you’re doing it wrong, and fail(fāl) a lot. You’ll start out and continually(kənˈtinyo͞oəlē) feel like you’re doing it wrong, and that won’t feel very good. The good news is that no one knows what the hell(hel) they’re doing, and it often won’t feel very good. The better news is that it’s not supposed to feel good, and you learn to accept the idea that you’re never very sure of anything. This is what life is always like, but we just usually blame(blām) it on the external(ikˈstərnl) circumstances (or think there’s something wrong with us), rather than accepting this uncertainty about everything as a basic part of our lives that we can open up to and even love.

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https://zenhabits.net/honest-mindfulness/

What to Expect from the Terrible(ˈterəbəl) Twos

By healthline.com

Both parents and pediatricians(ˌpēdēəˈtriSHən) often speak of the “terrible twos.” It’s a normal developmental phase(fāz) experienced by young children that’s often marked by tantrums(ˈtantrəm), defiant(dəˈfīənt) behavior, and lots of frustration.

The terrible twos don’t necessarily occur right when your child turns 2. The terrible twos generally begin anywhere from 18 to 30 months of age, and, despite(dəˈspīt) what the name implies, can last well into the third year of life.

While tantrums can certainly still happen after your child turns 3, they often become less frequent by then.

Read on to learn more about what to expect and how to manage the terrible twos.

Why are the twos so terrible?

Toddlerhood(ˈtädlər) is a stage that spans from about the ages of 1 to 3. It’s full of intellectual(ˌin(t)əˈlek(t)SH(o͞o)əl) and physical(ˈfizikəl) growth. Your child is starting to:

walk
talk
have opinions
learn about emotions
understand (if not master) how to share and take turns

During this stage, your child will naturally want to explore their environment and have and do what they want on their own terms. That’s all normal and expected behavior.

But because their verbal(ˈvərbəl), physical, and emotional skills aren’t well-developed, your child can easily become frustrated when they fail(fāl) to adequately(ˈadikwətlē) communicate or perform a task.

The following are examples of situations that may cause frustration for a 2-year-old:

Your child likely won’t have the language skills to clearly indicate what they want.
They may not have the patience(ˈpāSHəns) to wait their turn.
They may overestimate(ˌōvərˈestəˌmāt) their hand-eye coordination(kōˌôrdnˈāSHən) and not be able to pour(pôr) their own milk or catch a ball, even though they desperately(ˈdesp(ə)rətlē) want to.

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http://www.gutenberg.org/files/219/219-h/219-h.htm

Go Plant(plant) a Tree

By Ella Wheeler Wilcox

God, what a joy it is to plant a tree,
And from the sallow(ˈsalō) earth to watch it rise(rīz),
Lifting its emerald(ˈem(ə)rəld) branches to the skies
In silent(ˈsīlənt) adoration(ˌadəˈrāSHən); and to see
Its strength(streNG(k)TH,strenTH) and glory(ˈglôrē) waxing(waks) with each spring.
Yes, ’tis(tiz) a goodly, and a gladsome(ˈgladsəm) thing
To plant a tree.

Nature has many marvels(ˈmärvəl); but a tree
Seems more than marvellous(ˈmärv(ə)ləs). It is divine(dəˈvīn).
So generous, so tender, so benign(bəˈnīn).
Not garrulous(ˈgar(y)ələs) like the rivers; and yet free
In pleasant(ˈplezənt) converse(ˈkänˌvərs) with the winds and birds;
Oh! privilege(ˈpriv(ə)lij) beyond explaining(ikˈsplān) words,
To plant a tree.

Rocks are majestic(məˈjestik); but, unlike a tree,
They stand aloof(əˈlo͞of), and silent. In the roar(rôr)
Of ocean billows(ˈbilō) breaking on the shore(SHôr)
There sounds the voice of turmoil(ˈtərˌmoil). But a tree
Speaks ever of companionship(kəmˈpanyənˌSHip) and rest.
Yea, of all righteous(ˈrīCHəs) acts, this, this is best,
To plant a tree.

There is an oak(ōk) (oh! how I love that tree)
Which has been thriving(THrīv) for a hundred years;
Each day I send my blessing(ˈblesiNG) through(THro͞o) the spheres(sfi(ə)r)
To one who gave this triple(ˈtripəl) boon(bo͞on) to me,
Of growing beauty, singing birds, and shade(SHād).
Wouldst(wo͝odst) thou(THou,T͟Hou) win laurels(ˈlär-,ˈlôrəl) that shall(SHal) never fade(fād)?
Go plant a tree.

https://www.mamalisa.com/blog/go-plant-a-tree-poem/

The Honest Guide to Mindfulness, Part 1

By Leo Babauta

Mindfulness has (amazingly, wonderfully) become quite(kwīt) a buzzword(ˈbəzˌwərd) in the last decade or so, and for good reason. It’s powerful, and can help us to become more present, happier, more focused, and much more.

However, if you’re new to mindfulness, it’s easy to get the wrong idea from all the marketing you’ll find online. Images of people at complete peace with the world and themselves, full of bliss(blis), simply by sitting still and meditating(ˈmedəˌtāt) for a few minutes … they are beautiful images, but they don’t tell the whole truth.

Mindfulness is powerful, and you should absolutely do it. But you should do it with your eyes wide open, knowing what’s up.

So here’s my attempt at an honest guide to mindfulness.

Mindfulness is hard. You can meditate(ˈmedəˌtāt) and get antsy(ˈantsē), want to get up, want to go do something else, plan your day, dive(dīv) into your work, answer a few messages, search for some information you’re itching(iCH) to know about.

Mindfulness is hard, which is a good reason to do it.

Mindfulness is messy(ˈmesē). You’ll get started with meditation, maybe get on a streak(strēk) of meditating every day, and feel really good about yourself. Then you might fall off, struggle to start again, feel bad about it. You’ll do this for years, perhaps. Or maybe you’ll meditate regularly(ˈreɡyələrlē) but struggle to be mindful throughout the day, especially during certain situations like working online or while you’re eating or socializing. You’ll get better at being present, but only in spurts(spərt) and starts, and the learning will be anything but smooth.

Mindfulness is messy, just like life, which is the reason to open up to the messiness(ˈmesēnəs) instead of our usual desire for things to be orderly and neat(nēt). We can learn to accept the messiness of life if we practice with it.

Mindfulness is uncomfortable. Sitting still and facing the sensations(senˈsāSHən) of the present moment can feel boring. It can bring up itches that you just need to scratch(skraCH) right now. Urges(ərj) to go to do something else, to plan and solve and remember, will come up, because they are the old mental(ˈmentl) habits. And not following those urges can be very uncomfortable.

Mindfulness is uncomfortable because it’s so rare(re(ə)r) for us not to indulge(inˈdəlj) in those old mental patterns. But that’s the very reason it’s so powerful.

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https://zenhabits.net/honest-mindfulness/

Stop Believing in Free Shipping

How retailers(ˈrētālər) hide(hīd) the costs of delivery(dəˈliv(ə)rē)—and why we’re such suckers(ˈsəkər) for their ploys(ploi)

By Amanda Mull

It was a pair of feather(ˈfeT͟Hər) earrings(ˈi(ə)rˌ(r)iNG) that helped Ann Miceli get out from underneath(ˌəndərˈnēTH) strangers’ cars. For years, Miceli had worked as an auto(ˈôdō) mechanic(məˈkanik) and picked up shifts in her spare(spe(ə)r) time at Indianapolis(ˌindēəˈnapələs) restaurants. One day, she came across those earrings, and “it kind of sparked something.” Miceli bought a pair, and then some supplies to make her own. She listed some of her creations in a shop on Etsy and named it PrettyVagrant(ˈvāgrənt).

That was in 2011. In the intervening(in(t)ərˈvēniNG) years, Miceli has sold nearly 30,000 of her handmade earrings and feather hair extensions, all of which she assembles(əˈsembəl) by hand at home. After a couple of years, Miceli quit(kwit) her job as a mechanic. Etsy “has given me the opportunity to work from home and watch my grandkids,” she told me. Everything was humming(həm) along nicely until last summer, when the site began implementing a new search algorithm that gives priority to sellers who guarantee free shipping. Those who charged even a few dollars, like Miceli, were removed from their spots on the first page of search results. In August, Miceli’s revenue(ˈrevəˌn(y)o͞o) was down 40 percent from the previous year—a huge dip(dip) that she blames(blām) on the free-shipping finagling(fəˈnāɡ(ə)l).

Etsy said it had no choice: Buyers’ expectations had changed, and it felt(felt) compelled(kəmˈpel) to respond. The company told Miceli to raise(rāz) her prices to compensate(ˈkämpənˌsāt) for and disguise(disˈgīz) shipping fees. But when Miceli looked around, her competitors(kəmˈpedədər) seemed to be simply eating the cost, which she couldn’t afford(əˈfôrd) to do.

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https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/01/the-myth-of-free-shipping/603031/

He broke my heart, but I cannot let him go

By Laura Pratt

February(ˈfeb(y)o͞oˌerē, ˈfebro͞oˌerē) 14th is the day we contemplate(ˈkäntəmˌplāt) our hearts. Ideally(īˈdē(ə)lē), we find them robust and whole. Often though, they’re a mess, blistered(ˈblistər) remnants(ˈremnənt) choking(CHōk) the grate after the fire’s gone. These hearts are Valentine’s(ˈvalənˌtīn) vestiges(ˈvestij). And they also deserve(dəˈzərv) love.

“Heartbreak,” writes poet(ˈpōit,ˈpōət) David Whyte, “begins the moment we are asked to let go but cannot.” Among those things we’re asked to let go: plans, rituals(ˈriCHo͞oəl), security, expectation(ˌekspekˈtāSHən). History. A future.

Hope.

As for letting go of Dan, that was an extraordinary(ikˈstrôrdnˌerē,ˌekstrəˈôrdn-) idea. After six intense(inˈtens) years together, he was knit(nit) into my skin. And when he left, I unravelled(ˌənˈravəl).

Romantic heartbreak distinguishes itself from other sorrows(ˈsärō) by the dismissal(ˌdisˈmis(ə)l) and loneliness that are stitched(stiCH) through its wool(wo͝ol). Here is the conscious exit(ˈegzit,ˈeksit) of someone who has free will to do otherwise. Here is the loss(läs,lôs) of a partner and best friend and self-worth. Of care and concern(kənˈsərn) and comfort. Here is the loss of peace.

And so this is heartbreak’s grim(grim) essence(ˈesəns): a message from the universe that you are not precious and a sentence to process that on your own.

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https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-he-broke-my-heart-but-i-cannot-let-him-go/

What happens when we ignore plans?

By Derek Sivers

I took my 7-year-old to London today. I made two plans: if it rains, we go to a museum(myo͞oˈzēəm), if not, we go to the zoo.

But when the train arrived in London, he said he didn’t really want to do either one. So we just walked with no plans.

We immediately ran across some random(ˈrandəm) building with a big art installation(ˌinstəˈlāSHən) on its side. There was nobody around. We played there for a long time.

At each intersection(ˌin(t)ərˈsekSH(ə)n), we just went whichever way looked most interesting. He lept around park benches(ben(t)SH), tickling(ˈtikəl) some kids from Croatia(krōˈāSHə). He found a huge cardboard box in the trash(traSH), and kept it around him like a turtle(ˈtərdl) shell(SHel), as we walked through the city. He found a discarded paint(pānt) brush and twirled(twərl) it around his fingers for the rest of the day.

We were in front of the theater(ˈTHēədər) with the musical(ˈmyo͞ozikəl) “Wicked(ˈwikid)”, just as they were about to begin. We bought(bôt) last-minute tickets, 8th row center, and watched the show. He held hands with a girl sitting next to him.

I’m so glad we didn’t follow any plans today.

We make plans to make the most of our time — but thinking again about that idea, that doesn’t make sense, does it?

Unless we’re actually shut out of great things for lack of planning, following no plans is the ideal(īˈdē(ə)l) way to make the best of each moment. Every moment provides new information, which changes the situation. Then we can act on what we know now, instead of what we previously(ˈprēvēəslē) predicted(prəˈdiktəd).

I don’t regret(rəˈɡret) having plans, because sometimes following the plan is the best choice.

So I guess the lesson is to make plans, but feel free to ignore them — to see them as an option, not a requirement.

After eight hours of walking, we took a night train home. Tucking(təkiNG) him into bed, I asked what was his favorite part.

“The cardboard box.”

https://sivers.org/ldn

The Paleo(ˌpālēə) Lifestyle: The Way, Way, Way Back

By Alex Williams

Which is more primal(ˈprīməl), hard cider(ˈsīdər) or a strawberry(-b(ə)rē,ˈstrôˌberē) margarita(ˌmärɡəˈrēdə)?

Would a self-respecting cave(kāv) man check his iPhone after 8 p.m., as long as he was wearing(ˈwe(ə)riNG) amber(ˈambər) goggles(ˈgägəl)?

What about that morning beauty regimen(ˈreZH-,ˈrejəmən)? Is coconut(ˈkōkəˌnət) oil or castor(ˈkastər) oil more likely to restore that neo-Neanderthal(nēˈandərTHôl) glow to a woman’s cheek(CHēk)?

To the uninitiated(ˌənəˈniSHēˌādəd), the much talked about Paleo diet — a nutritional(n(y)o͞oˈtriSHənl, n(y)o͞oˈtriSHnəl) regimen centered around pasture(ˈpasCHər)-raised meat, eggs, fresh fruit and vegetables(ˈvejtəb(ə)l, ˈvəjədəb(ə)l), and nuts, in the spirit of our cave-dwelling forebears(ˈfôrˌber) — may seem like another low-carb(kärb) fad(fad), the South Beach diet dressed up in a mammoth(ˈmaməTH) hide. But the time has passed when it could be written off as a fringe(frinj) movement of shaggy(ˈSHagē)-haired(herd) Luddites(ˈlədˌīt) with an outsize taste(tāst) for wild(wīld) boar(bôr) meatloaf(lōf).

Lately, Paleo has charged toward the mainstream(ˈmānˌstrēm), not only as a hugely(ˈ(h)yo͞ojlē) popular diet (it was most-searched diet of 2013, according to the Google Trends Zeitgeist(ˈtsītˌɡīst, ˈzītˌɡīst) list), but also as a cave-man-inspired lifestyle that has spawned(spôn) a fast-growing industry.

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https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/21/fashion/the-paleo-lifestyle-the-way-way-way-back.html