‘Love and free food’: Mel Brooks(bro͝oks) and Carl(kärl) Reiner(ˈrīnər) share the secrets of their 70-year friendship

The giants of American comedy(ˈkämədē) tell Hadley Freeman about the hits they have had, the wives they miss – and why they still spend every evening together

By Hadley Freeman

Every evening, Mel Brooks leaves his home in Santa Monica(ˈmänikə), gets in his car and stares(ster) down Los Angeles’ notorious(nōˈtôrēəs) rush-hour traffic to go to Carl Reiner’s house in Beverly(ˈbevərlē) Hills(hil). There, the two comedy icons(ˈīˌkän) do what they like to do most these days: chat, eat dinner together and watch the long-running quiz(kwiz) show Jeopardy(ˈjepərdē)!

“This is a great place because I got friendship, love and free food. Free eats are very important, you know,” says Brooks, as we wait for Reiner in his den(den). His voice is a little raspier(ˈraspē) than it once was, but that signature(ˈsiɡnəCHər) puckishness(ˈpəkiSH) is fully intact(inˈtakt).

Brooks knows this home well because Reiner, 97, has lived in it for 60 years. Gene(jēn) Kelly(ˈkelē) used to be his neighbour(ˈnābər); Kirk(kərk) Douglas(ˈdəɡləs), 103, until last month, lived close by. Brooks – a mere(mir,ˈmerē) whippersnapper(ˈ(h)wipərˌsnapər) of 93 – remembers when Reiner moved in because their friendship predates(prēˈdāt,prəˈdāt) the house: they have been best friends for 70 years.

“Robbie used to sit on the stairs, looking through the banisters(ˈbanəstər), watching us do the 2000 Year Old Man. I’d say, ‘You should be sleeping!’ but he’d just sit there,” says Brooks. (Robbie is better known to those outside the inner Reiner circle(ˈsərk(ə)l) as the film director Rob Reiner, Carl’s oldest child and still a baby at 72.)

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https://www.theguardian.com/global/2020/feb/20/love-and-free-food-mel-brooks-and-carl-reiner-share-the-secrets-of-their-70-year-friendship

Five Years and 100-Plus Stories: What It’s Like Covering ‘Hamilton(ˈhaməltən)’

From the very beginning, it was clear the musical(ˈmyo͞ozək(ə)l) was going to be a big news story. I’ve been reporting on it, from the East Village(ˈvilij) to San(sän) Juan, ever since.

By Michael Paulson

The email arrived on my second day as the theater reporter here at The New York Times. It was March 10, 2015, and a publicist(ˈpəbləsəst) from the Public Theater, an Off Broadway nonprofit(ˌnänˈpräfit), was welcoming me to the beat(bēt). “I think one of the best ways to get to know the Public right now is to come see HAMILTON,” she wrote. (For reasons I have yet to understand, theater publicists generally put show titles in all caps.)

I went to a matinee(ˌmatnˈā) five days later, and in the five years since, I’ve written more than 100 articles that prominently(ˈprämənəntlē) mention the show. It goes without saying that “Hamilton,” which explores America’s revolutionary(ˌrevəˈlo͞oSHəˌnerē) origins(ˈôrəjən) through the life of Alexander(ˌaləɡˈzandər) Hamilton, has dominated(ˈdäməˌnāt) my tenure(ˈtenyər) — I’ve never known the theater beat without it, and until the coronavirus pandemic prompted an unimaginably(ˌənəˈmaj(ə)nəblē) long shutdown of Broadway, I thought it would be the biggest theater story I’d ever cover.

Now “Hamilton,” which transferred from the Public to Broadway in July 2015, won(wän,wən) every conceivable(kənˈsēvəb(ə)l) award, and became a much-loved and much-quoted(kwōt) juggernaut(ˈjəɡərˌnôt), is back in the news, because a live-capture filming of the original(əˈrijənl) cast is streaming on Disney Plus starting July 3. (Yes, I wrote about that too.)

So what’s it been like to spend five years on the Hamilbeat?

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/27/insider/hamilton-disney-plus-puerto-rico.html

Cultivating(ˈkəltəˌvāt) Burning(ˈbərniNG) Desire(dəˈzī(ə)r)

By Steve Pavlina

When asked during an interview how he managed to reach the top as a professional bodybuilder and Hollywood actor, Arnold(ˈärnəld) Schwarzenegger(ˈSHwôrtsəˌneɡər) replied with a single word, “Drive!” All great success ultimately begins with an idea, but what makes ideas become reality is the fuel(ˈfyo͞o(ə)l) of human desire. An idea by itself can give you a temporary feeling of inspiration(ˌinspəˈrāSH(ə)n), but burning desire is what gets you through all the perspiration(ˌpərspəˈrāSH(ə)n) necessary to overcome the inevitable(inˈevidəb(ə)l) obstacles(ˈäbstək(ə)l) along the way.

Take a moment to think about the goals you’ve set for yourself. (You have set goals, haven’t you? If not, go read the article on setting clear goals.) How committed(kəˈmidəd) are you to achieving these goals? Under what conditions would you give up? What if you could significantly increase your desire to achieve these goals? What if you wanted them so badly that you knew with absolute certainty that you would absolutely, positively(ˈpäzədivlē, ˈpäztivlē) never ever give up? When you are truly 100% committed to reaching your goals, you move from hoping to knowing. If you want something badly enough, then quitting(kwit) is simply not an option. You either find a way or make one. You pay the price, whatever it takes.

Those with an intense(inˈtens), burning desire to achieve their goals are often referred(rəˈfər) to as being “driven.” But is this special quality reserved only for a privileged(ˈpriv(ə)lijd) few(fyo͞o)? Certainly not. With the right approach, anyone can cultivate a deep, burning desire within themselves and move to a state of total commitment, knowing with certainty that success is as inevitable as the sunrise.

So how do you cultivate burning desire?

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https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/03/cultivating-burning-desire/

If You’re Going to Grow a Quarantine(ˈkwôrənˌtēn) Mustache(ˈməsˌtaSH), Listen Up

The author of Men and Style(stīl) has grooming(ˈɡro͞omiNG) advice for men in isolation.

By David Coggins

Of all the worthy projects to tackle(ˈtak(ə)l) during quarantine, the one with the least chance of resulting in real self-improvement is the introduction of a new mustache.

Imagine a thick(THik) ’stache, and chances are you think of the 1970s and open-necked(nek) shirts possibly revealing(rəˈvēliNG) gold medallions(məˈdalyən) nesting(ˈnestiNG) in a swath(swäTH, swôTH) of chest(CHest) hair(her). These outlaw associations are one reason we rarely(ˈrerlē) see a powerful American with one. Can you envision(ənˈviZHən) a presidential(ˌprezəˈden(t)SH(ə)l) candidate(ˈkandiˌdāt, ˈkandidət) with a mustache? He’d sooner admit(ədˈmit) he was an atheist(ˈāTHēəst).

But for some men, such low odds(ädz) of pulling it off only heighten(ˈhītn) the mustache’s louche(lo͞oSH) mystique(miˈstēk). It appeals(əˈpēl) to the part of a man that wants to buy a motorcycle(ˈmōdərˌsīk(ə)l). A good one conveys(kənˈvā) a sense of fearlessness while offering a man a vacation from himself.

Time away from friends can provide the push some guys need to embrace(əmˈbrās) a more adventurous(adˈven(t)SHərəs) side. Growing a large beard(ˈbird), with its dignified(ˈdiɡnəˌfīd) tradition(trəˈdiSH(ə)n) of Civil(ˈsiv(ə)l) War generals(ˈjen(ə)rəl) and Russian(ˈrəSHən) novelists(ˈnävələst), is a natural impulse(ˈimˌpəls). But the full Tolstoy(ˈtōlstoi) doesn’t fit inside the masks we’re now advised to wear in public.

At the onset of social distancing, I was on a FaceTime call with a friend and thought I detected a provocative(prəˈväkədiv) bit of growth emerging(əˈmərjiNG) through his stubble(ˈstəb(ə)l). “Is that a mustache?” I asked eagerly(ˈēɡərlē), as if spotting a rare(rer) bird. “It’s not not a mustache,” he replied(rəˈplī) cryptically(ˈkriptək(ə)lē). Perhaps he couldn’t acknowledge the scope of what he was attempting.

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https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-22/grooming-tips-for-growing-coronavirus-mustache-during-quarantine

Write(rīt)? Write. Sleep? Sleep. Read? Read. Don’t fight(fīt) it.

By Derek Sivers

Knowing I read a lot, someone recently asked how I balance learning and working.

When do you stop reading and get back to work?

When do you stop working and go learn something new?

Being self-employed and in control(kənˈtrōl) of my own schedule, I used to wrestle(ˈresəl) with this a lot.

I’d be so thirsty(ˈTHərstē) to keep reading and learning, that I’d feel bad I hadn’t done any real work in weeks.

Other times I’d just work, work, work for weeks without stopping to read some of the brilliant(ˈbrilyənt) books I’d already bought.

Then I realized something so obvious(ˈäbvēəs) it’s funny that I’m writing it here:

Stop wrestling. Don’t fight it. Go with it, either direction.

If you’re excited to work, work. Sneak(snēk) out of bed at 4am if your toes(tō) are tapping(ˈtapiNG), and go do what’s on your mind.

But if you’re tired, don’t fight it. Sleep.

If you’ve got writer’s block(bläk), enjoy the silence while it lasts. In another day, week, or month, you’ll be so filled with things to say you’ll be sneaking out of bed again.

Who knows why the brain is into different things at different times.

But we’re so much more effective when we follow what our body wants to do, rather than trying to fight it.

Of course I’m writing this as a reminder to myself, because today was one of those days where I wanted to do a bunch of programming, but I was at this computer for hours and didn’t get a damn(dam) thing done. All I wanted to do was read on the couch(kouCH,ˈko͞oCH ˌɡras). So I shut the laptop and read for a few hours. Which was just what I needed, and ended up inspiring the hell out of me, so that afterwards I jumped up and came back to programming, now more effectively.

https://sivers.org/dont-fight-it

Does Music Boost Your Cognitive(ˈkäɡnədiv) Performance?

The answer depends on your personality(ˌpərsəˈnalədē)

By Cindi May

Music makes life better in so many ways. It elevates(ˈeləˌvāt) mood, reduces(rəˈd(y)o͞os) stress and eases(ēz) pain. Music is heart-healthy, because it can lower blood(bləd) pressure, reduce heart rate(rāt) and decrease(dəˈkrēs) stress hormones(ˈhôrˌmōn) in the blood. It also connects us with others and enhances social bonds. Music can even improve workout endurance(inˈd(y)o͝orəns) and increase our enjoyment(inˈjoimənt) of challenging activities.

The fact that music can make a difficult task more tolerable(ˈtäl(ə)rəb(ə)l) may be why students often choose to listen to it while doing their homework or studying for exams. But is listening to music the smart choice for students who want to optimize(ˈäptəˌmīz) their learning?

A new study by Manuel Gonzalez of Baruch(ˈbäro͝ok) College(ˈkälij) and John(jän) Aiello of Rutgers University suggests that for some students, listening to music is indeed a wise strategy, but for others, it is not. The effect of music on cognitive functioning appears not to be “one-size-fits-all” but to instead depend, in part, on your personality—specifically, on your need for external stimulation. People with a high requirement for such stimulation tend to get bored(bôrd) easily and to seek out external input. Those individuals often do worse, paradoxically(ˌperəˈdäksik(ə)lē), when listening to music while engaging in a mental task. People with a low need for external stimulation, on the other hand, tend to improve their mental performance with music.

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https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/does-music-boost-your-cognitive-performance/

The Load Out

By Jackson Browne

Now the seats(sēt) are all empty
Let the roadies(ˈrōdē) take the stage
Pack it up and tear(ter) it down
They’re the first to come and last to leave
Working for that minimum wage(wāj)
They’ll set it up in another town

Tonight the people were so fine
They waited there in line
And when they got up on their feet they made the show
And that was sweet–
But I can hear the sound
Of slamming(ˈslamiNG) doors and folding chairs
And that’s a sound they’ll never know
Now roll(rōl) them cases out and lift(lift) them amps
Haul(hôl) them trusses(trəs) down and get’em up them ramps(ramp)
‘Cause when it comes to moving me
You know You guys are the champs(CHamp)
But when that last guitar’s been packed away
You know that I still want to play
So just make sure you got it all set to go
Before you come for my piano

But the band’s on the bus
And they’re waiting to go
We’ve got to drive all night and do a show in Chicago(SHiˈkäɡō, SHiˈkôɡō)
Or Detroit(dəˈtroit) I don’t know
We do so many shows in a row
And these towns all look the same
We just pass the time in our hotel rooms
And wander ‘round backstage(bakˈstāj)
Till those lights come up and we hear that crowd
And we remember why we came

Now we got country and western(ˈwestərn) on the bus
R and B we got disco(ˈdiskō) in eight tracks and cassettes(kəˈset) in stereo(ˈsterēō)

We’ve got rural(ˈro͝orəl) scenes(sēn) and magazines
We’ve got truckers(ˈtrəkər) on the CB
We’ve got Richard(ˈriCHərd) Pryor on the video
We got time to think of the ones we love
While the miles roll away
But the only time that seems too short
Is the time that we get to play
People you’ve got the power over what we do
You can sit there and wait
Or you can pull us through
Come along sing the song
You know you can’t go wrong
‘Cause when that morning sun comes beating(ˈbēdiNG) down
You’re going to wake up in your town

But we’ll be scheduled(ˈskejo͞old) to appear
A thousand miles away from here

https://y.qq.com/n/yqq/song/003WeBnC2XwrAT.html

Being Stimulant(ˈstimyələnt)-Free

By Steve Pavlina

I like being 100% stimulant free – no coffee(ˈkôfē), caffeinated(ˈkafəˌnādəd) tea, chocolate(ˈCHäk(ə)lət), caffeinated soda, etc.

This means no decaf(ˈdēkaf) either since decaf still contains some caffeine(kaˈfēn).

I base this on lots of personal experimentation(ikˌsperəmənˈtāSH(ə)n). I’ve gone some years of my life with no stimulants, and I’ve also gone for long stretches(streCH) consuming coffee daily. The two modes(mōd) of living are notably(ˈnōdəblē) different.

Caffeine tends to make me obsess(əbˈses) more over trivialities(ˌtrivēˈalədē) and lose focus on big picture goals. I see this pattern in other coffee drinkers often – lots of busywork type of thinking on low criticality(ˌkridəˈkalədē) items. It seems to make some people have a harder time focusing on long-term projects and avoiding short-term distractions(dəˈstrakSH(ə)n).

When I consume coffee daily, I’ll check email more often. I’ll spend more time on social media. I’ll web surf(sərf) more. I’ll invest in minor(ˈmīnər) tasks that don’t need to be done. I’ll spend more time organizing and reorganizing instead of moving the needle(ˈnēdl) forward on big projects. I’ll open more loops than I close. I’ll feel extra busy but have less to show for it.

Stimulants always drain(drān) me eventually, especially after months of daily use. That’s true even for a single espresso(eˈspresˌō) shot or a single cup of green tea per day. It always leads to adrenal(əˈdrēnl) exhaustion(iɡˈzôsCH(ə)n), and then I need to take at least several weeks off. I know I’m at this point when I can’t seem to make good progress on bigger projects, and I can tell that my mind is becoming too chaotic(kāˈädik). I might spend 8 hours at my desk and get 90 minutes of important work done.

I love the taste(tāst) of coffee, and it’s delightful(dəˈlītfəl) to drink a cup of it, but I’ve learned that I can’t really have an occasional(əˈkāZHənl) relationship with it if I want to function at my best. It’s way too addictive(əˈdiktiv) for me. If I have even a small amount, I risk slipping into the pattern of having it daily for months.

I’ve learned that it’s best to avoid chocolate too (including cacao(kəˈkou)) because chocolate is a gateway(ˈɡātˌwā) drug(drəɡ) back to coffee. Same goes for green tea. So while I have enjoyed those in the past, I feel safer steering(ˈstiriNG) clear of them. I like how my brain works better when not under the influence of stimulants.

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https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2020/05/being-stimulant-free/

Confessions(kənˈfeSHən) of a feminist(ˈfemənəst), first-time grandmother

By Eleanor Barrington

Grandma love in the time of COVID-19 is sadly different. Socially isolated for my own survival(sərˈvīvəl), I am suffering(ˈsəf(ə)riNG) withdrawal(wiT͟Hˈdrôl) from child play. Like so many grandparents in these strange days, we’ve lost the win-win-win of helping care for little ones while their parents work. Our family currently makes do with three-generations walks, the six foot social distance kept strictly(ˈstrik(t)lē) between us and my two-year-old grandson confined(kənˈfīnd) to his stroller(ˈstrōlər).

Our “Grandma Pyjama” ritual(ˈriCH(o͞o)əl) has had to go online. I am learning to read backward with the picture book facing the camera, channelling(ˈCHanl) The Friendly Giant(ˈjīənt) of my childhood. We do our best, but what is Grandma love at story time, without a cuddle(ˈkədl)?

I’m a goo(ɡo͞o)-goo Grandma. I admit(ədˈmit) it. Not long after my grandson was born, I bobbed(bɑbd) happily about their living room, singing nonsense(ˈnänˌsens) rhymes(rīm) to settle(ˈsedl) him on my shoulder. My daughter paused from folding her laundry(ˈlôndrē) mountain(ˈmount(ə)n) to inquire(inˈkwīr) with significant incredulity(ˌinkrəˈd(y)o͞olədē): “Were you like this with us when we were little?”

I’m sure I paused too long as I searched for a plausible(ˈplôzəb(ə)l) answer. “Sometimes … I think so … I was so busy. I hope I was? Sometimes?”

In truth, what I remember most about their early childhood is feeling stressed, sleep deprived(dəˈprīvd) and intellectually(ˈˌin(t)əlˈˌek(t)SH(əw)əlē) starved(stärv) by the domestic(dəˈmestik) sphere(sfir). I loved my children hugely(ˈ(h)yo͞ojlē), but for years I was dizzy(ˈdizē) with the go-round of kids, house, money, marriage, justice(ˈjəstəs) causes and my career. I wished a lot of their childhood along, yearning(ˈyərniNG) ahead for more independent stages.

Consequently(ˈkänsəkwəntlē), I judge(jəj) myself a not-very-playful mom. Not patient and attentive(əˈten(t)iv) enough. A mother who had the next thing to do on her mind, more often than a transient(ˈtranSHənt, ˈtranzēənt) moment in my two children’s lives.

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https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-confessions-of-a-feminist-first-time-grandmother/

Should You Reach Out to a Former(ˈfôrmər) Friend Right Now?

It’s understandable(ˌəndərˈstandəb(ə)l) to want to rekindle(ˌrēˈkind(ə)l) a lapsed(lapst) friendship, but experts say you should think about what your intentions are before you reach out.

By Anna Goldfarb

Many of us are now feeling a pull to connect with someone from our past. After all, you can be around people all day — children, spouses(spous), roommates — and still feel lonely. You might be missing your most intimate(ˈin(t)əmət,ˈin(t)əˌmāt) relationships, your fun acquaintances(əˈkwāntəns) and the communities you belong to that bring out certain sides of your personality(ˌpərsəˈnalədē).

We’re especially(iˈspeSHəlē) vulnerable(ˈvəln(ə)rəb(ə)l) right now. Because when we feel lonely, studies show we also tend to be more impulsive(imˈpəlsiv). It’s harder to think clearly when loneliness is draining(drān) our psychological(ˌsīkəˈläjək(ə)l) resources. Therefore, we might be more open to revisiting(rēˈvizit) relationships that aren’t good for us.

You might also be feeling bolder because of the pandemic. Studies show that being aware of our own mortality(môrˈtalədē) — a psychological concept called mortality salience(ˈsālēəns) was— makes us want to pull our friendships close. In this new light, rejection(rəˈjekSH(ə)n) isn’t as scary(ˈskerē). It’s like, why not reach out? What’s there to lose(lo͞oz)?

Another reason for looking to rekindle old relationships is that you might be seeking comfort(ˈkəmfərt). Research shows that friendship fundamentally(ˌfəndəˈmen(t)əlē) alters(ˈôltər) the way we perceive(pərˈsēv) stress. “When you’re feeling really stressed out and you talk to your friend and all of a sudden like it just doesn’t seem as stressful or as big or as looming,” said Dr. Marisa(mərisə) Franco, a psychologist(sīˈkäləjəst) and relationship expert.

With this cocktail(ˈkäkˌtāl) of loneliness, impulsivity(ˌimˌpəlˈsivitē) and an enhanced need for support, it’s understandable to want to resume a lapsed friendship.

Before you reach out, experts agree you should think about what your intentions are. Do you want to just say a quick hello, engage in a deep-dive catch-up session or re-enter each other’s lives more fully? Identify why you’ve lost touch in the first place. Did your friendship officially(əˈfiSHəlē) — or unofficially(ˌənəˈfiSHəlē) — end? Was there betrayal(bəˈtrāəl, bēˈtrāəl) or disloyalty(disˈloiəltē) involved? Why you stopped talking to each other will influence(ˈinflo͝oəns) how you approach the person and how that acquaintance responds to you.

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/02/smarter-living/should-you-reach-out-to-a-former-friend-right-now.html