Dropping the Expectations

Dropping the Expectations(ˌekspekˈtāSH(ə)n)

By Leo Babauta

So simple right? Now we just have to figure out how to drop those pesky(ˈpeskē) expectations.

Here’s the thing: it turns out the human mind is a powerful expectations generator. Like all the time, it’s creating expectations. Just willy(ˈwilē) nilly, without any real grounding in reality. Out of thin(THin) air.

So do we just turn off the expectations machine? Good luck. I’ve never seen anyone do that. In fact, the hope that we can just turn off the expectations is in itself an expectation.

The practice is to just notice the expectations. Bring a gentle awareness to them. Just say, “Aha! I see you, Expectation. I know you’re the reason I’m feeling discouraged, overwhelmed, behind, frustrated, inadequate(inˈadikwət).”

And it’s true, isn’t it? We feel inadequate because we have some expectation that we be more than this. We feel behind because of some made up expectations of what we should have done already. We feel discouraged because we haven’t met some expectation. We feel overwhelmed because we have an expectation that we should be able to handle all of this easily and at once. We feel frustrated because someone (us, or someone else) has failed to meet an expectation.

All of these feelings are clear-cut signs that we have an expectation. And we can simply bring awareness to the expectation.

Then we’re in a place of choice. Do I want to hold myself and everything else to this made-up ideal(īˈdē(ə)l)? Or can I let go of that and simply see things as they are? Simply do the next step.

Seeing things as they are, without expectations, is seeing the bare experience, the actual physical reality of things, without all of the ideals and fantasies(ˈfan(t)əsē) and frustrations we layer on top of reality.

This means that when we miss a day, we don’t have to get caught up in thoughts about how that sucks — we just look at the moment we’re in, and sit down on the meditation cushion(ˈko͝oSHən). Break out the writing pad. Do the next thing, with clear eyes.

So in this place of choice, we can decide whether we want to stay in this fantasy world of expectations … or drop out of it into the world as it is. Which is wide open. Ready for us to go do the next thing.

That’s the choice we can make, every time, if we are aware of our expectations in the moment.

https://zenhabits.net/simple-discipline/