I wish there was a handbook for this messy midlife stage

I wish there was a handbook for this messy(ˈmesē) midlife stage

By Charlotte Phillips

Why isn’t there a midlife equivalent(əˈkwiv(ə)lənt) to the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting – that manual(ˈmanyə(wə)l) so many of us pored(pôr) over during our child-rearing(ri(ə)r) years. The one that gave us a heads-up as we stumbled through that stage in our lives and reassured(ˌrēəˈSHo͝or) us that it would all work out. Is What You Weren’t Expecting in Midlife somewhere out there?

Recently, I turned 59, and I look back on this decade with equal parts gratitude and complete bewilderment(biˈwildərmənt). These years brought waves of unexpected struggles into my life and it seems to be a common story among my middle-aged friends. They, too, have endured(enˈd(y)o͝or) a barrage(bəˈräZH) of difficult experiences: aging parents, startling(ˈstärdliNG) health issues, heart-wrenching(ren(t)SH) family rifts(rift), twists(twist) and turns in the lives of our children, divorces(dəˈvôrs), deaths and failures of all kinds. We commiserate(kəˈmizəˌrāt) with one another about feeling a bit sucker-punched around so many corners. (On the positive side, I did manage to surpass(sərˈpas) the age my father was when he suddenly died of a heart attack in 1980. He was 58.)

On the morning of my December birthday, I thought about the abrupt(əˈbrəpt) ending of my marriage, when I was just 51. That seismic(ˈsīzmik) upheaval(ˌəpˈhēvəl) scarred(skär) my sense of self and security, and buried(ˈberē) my belief in a happily ever-after story line. At the time, I was sure it was the worst thing I would have to endure. It was only the beginning.

A long, detailed and difficult move to a condo(ˈkändō) from our family home felt more like a failed(fāld) army(ˈärmē) in retreat(rəˈtrēt) than the launch of a new and exciting chapter in my life. It was a complete change in the genre(ˈZHänrə) of the story of me; like, halfway through a Jane Austen novel, Stephen King showed up.


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