How to Have Closer Friendships (and Why You Need Them)

How to Have Closer(ˈklōzər) Friendships (and Why You Need Them)

Even if you find it easy to make friends — and it’s not, for most people — getting truly(ˈtro͞olē) close to people is still difficult. Here’s how to make it easier.

By Emma Pattee(pəˈtā)

Like so many people, I grew up watching the TV show “Friends,” dreaming of the day I would be living a glamorous(ˈglamərəs) city life surrounded by a group of close friends. Over the years, I’ve made lots of friends: childhood friends, work friends, college friends, writer friends. I have friends who like to hike(hīk), and friends who like to chat over coffee(ˈkäfē,ˈkôfē) and friends who live far away but whom I talk to a few times a year.

But close friends? “Friends” level friends? The “I can tell you anything and count on you always” kind of friends? Not so much. A childhood friend and I had a falling-out, never to be repaired(rəˈper). Another close friend moved away.

In groups of adults, you often hear some form of this complaint(kəmˈplānt): It’s hard to make friends as an adult. And if, for whatever reason, you don’t stay connected to your childhood or college friends, you can end up in your 30s (or 40s, or 50s) knowing a lot of people, but being close to very few of them.

Do we even need close friendships?

When you’re overworked and overwhelmed, the motivation(ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n) to have dinner with a friend versus turning on Netflix and eating pizza(ˈpētsə) with your spouse(spous, spouz) can be hard to summon(ˈsəmən). But the research is clear: Close friendships are necessary for optimal health and well-being.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/20/smarter-living/how-to-have-closer-friendships.html