Social media

Social media



Greta(gridə) has been cornered(ˈkôrnərd) by a coworker(kōˈwərkər,ˈkōˌwərkər) who is angry about being removed from Greta’s social media profile.


Look, I’m sorry, Louisa(lo͝oēsə), it wasn’t personal(ˈpərsənəl) or anything. I’ve just started unfriending(ˌənˈfrend) people who aren’t strictly(ˈstrik(t)lē) relevant(ˈreləvənt) to my social life. Yikes(yīks), that sounded wrong and I can see the angry Tweet forming in your brain(brān), but come on, hear me out.

You and I are friends…in a professional context(ˈkänˌtekst). I like chatting with you here at the water cooler or at potlucks(ˈpätˈlək). I mean, I like being on your team when we do company bowling(ˈbōliNG), because you’re an awesome(ˈôsəm) bowler(ˈbōlər).

(Louisa does not look appeased(əˈpēz).)

Okay, I can see I’m doing a bad job at this. It’s just…you don’t really want to see my Facebook updates about going to nightclubs(ˈnītˌkləb) in the city and I’m tired of reading about marriage(ˈmarij) and pregnancies(ˈpregnənsē) and nightly family Boggle(ˈbägəl) sessions and life-changing trips to Europe.

Ugh(əɡ), not, not like your trip to Europe. Barcelona(ˌbärsəˈlōnə) looked absolutely magical. I meant it general. It’s like…

(Deep sigh.)

Do you ever feel like everyone’s living a better life than you? Or at least acting like it? From what I can tell, two-thirds of my friends have the most adventurous(adˈvenCHərəs,əd-), fulfilling careers(kəˈri(ə)r) that anyone could ever have. And the rest of them have perfect children and ideal(īˈdē(ə)l) spouses(spous). There’s some overlap in there too, which is really unbearable(ˌənˈbe(ə)rəbəl). Or, I don’t know, maybe they’re all faking(fāk) it. I guess I am too. I’m not posting about sitting under these fluorescent(flôrˈesənt,ˌflo͝o(ə)ˈresənt) lights fifty hours a week. Or going home to a cat now that James(jāmz) left for good. Or dressing(ˈdresiNG) a body pillow(ˈpilō) in his old clothes and sleeping with it.

(Stares(ste(ə)r) at the ground, Louisa completely forgotten.)

So anyway, that’s why I unfriended you. I just didn’t want to get too personal with my coworkers.