Why I took my wife’s surname in my 40s

Why I took my wife’s surname(ˈsərˌnām) in my 40s

By Drew(dro͞o) Dias(ˈdēəs, ˈdēˌäSH)

I’m very much a Capricorn(ˈkapriˌkôrn) mountain(ˈmount(ə)n) goat(gōt) in my approach to life. I achieve goals slowly but surely, and meander(mēˈandər) up the mountainside(ˈmountnˌsīd) chewing(CHo͞o) grass(gras) along the way. As such, I was pushing 40 by the time I got married and became a father.

Choosing a name for my first son was no easy task. My wife and I produced a list of more than 100 boys names – everything from legendary(ˈlejənˌderē) men to great uncles(ˈəNGkəl). And by a steady(ˈstedē) process of elimination(əˌliməˈnāSH(ə)n), we whittled(ˈ(h)widl) it down during her final trimester(trīˈmestər,ˈtrīˌmes-) until five names remained(rəˈmān), and chose(CHōz) Benjamin(ˈbenjəmən) because we agreed that almost every “Ben” we had known, we had liked.

My wife kept her surname after we got married, but was open for our son to take mine, if I wanted, once we had rejected the unwieldy(ˌənˈwēldē) pairing of both of our surnames. I thought about the most appropriate(əˈprōprēət) family name for my son. I had emigrated(ˈeməˌɡrāt) from England to Canada alone, and have since been accepted into my wife’s rather extensive Portuguese(ˈpôrCHəˌgēz)-Canadian(kəˈnādēən) family. Ben will grow up as part of this family, be immersed(iˈmərs) in their language and culture every day, and form a much closer identification(īˌden(t)əfəˈkāSH(ə)n) with her name than with mine(mīn). In consideration of this, we gave him my wife’s surname.

We got lucky with naming our second child, another son. The grunt(grənt) work had been done on our list of boy names, and we immediately(iˈmēdēətlē) agreed on Miles(mīl). He also took my wife’s surname because there was now an even stronger case to do so.

When Ben started attending kindergarten(-ˌgärdn,ˈkindərˌgärtn), the school addressed me by my wife’s surname. It was just assumed that his name was my name, and I didn’t mind, so I didn’t feel the need to correct it. But on paper I had a different surname to my family; or put another way, they had a different surname to me. This bothered me more than I cared to admit(ədˈmit).


https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-why-i-took-my-wifes-surname-in-my-40s/