The Universal(ˌyo͞onəˈvərsəl) Narrative(ˈnerədiv): When You Feel Unworthy(ˌənˈwərT͟Hē)

By Leo Babauta

A little boy was told by his father, from a young age, that he wasn’t good enough. Not in so many words, but through his actions — by criticizing(ˈkridəˌsīz) him, yelling(yel) at him, hitting him, leaving him.

The boy grew up into a man, knowing that he was unworthy of praise(prāz), of success, of love.

The boy, as an adult(əˈdəlt,ˈadˌəlt), got a job, but didn’t really think he was good enough to do the job well. He faked(fāk) it, deathly(ˈdeTHlē) afraid(əˈfrād) every single day that he would be found out and mocked, then fired(fīr). He tried(trīd) to hide(hīd), not to put himself in the spotlight(ˈspätˌlīt), because then maybe no one would see his unworthiness.

But he was always deathly afraid of people seeing him fail(fāl). So he held(held) himself back, careful not to do anything where he might fail. He put off taking on tough(təf) tasks, and formed a long habit of procrastination. This came to rule his life, affecting his health habits, financial(fəˈnan(t)SHəl, fīˈnan(t)SHəl) habits, relationships.

The boy, now that he was an adult, got into a couple of long-term relationships, hoping to find someone to make him happy. He didn’t believe he could make them happy or get them to love the true him, because he already knew he was unworthy of love. But maybe if he was really nice to them, and only showed them the good parts of him, they’d think he was lovable(ˈləvəb(ə)l). So he never tried to be truly honest(ˈänəst), never found true intimacy(ˈin(t)əməsē), because he could only show them certain parts that might win him love.

And he was always ready for them to find out how bad he was, to leave him. In fact, he left them before that could happen. Or if he didn’t leave them, he was only halfway(ˈhafˈwā) in the relationship, one foot out the door. Ready to leave. Only partway committed(kəˈmidəd). And in truth, they always felt(felt) that, and craved(krāv) his full commitment(kəˈmitmənt).

This was true of every friendship, every professional(prəˈfeSHənl) relationship. He was never fully committed. Never fully honest, because he couldn’t show his true self. Always anxious(ˈaNG(k)SHəs) that others might know how unworthy he was. Always trying to prove how worthy he was, even if he knew he wasn’t.

This is the story of Unworthiness. And it is fairly(ˈfe(ə)rlē) universal.

…
https://zenhabits.net/unworthy/

My cat taught me how to be a good mom

By Deborah(ˈdeb(ə)rə) Troop(tro͞op)

Polly was a small plain black cat who came to live with me on a farm deep in the countryside of County(ˈkoun(t)ē) Wexford(ˈweksfərd), Ireland(ˈī(ə)rlənd). The house, being more than 400 years old, was full of mice(mīs). Polly turned out to be a great hunter(ˈhən(t)ər) and did her job well. She proudly showed me her kills, meowing(mēˈou) loudly as she brought them into the kitchen and laid(lād) them at my feet. Very soon after she arrived(əˈrīv), the mice were gone. Even though she was more or less feral(ˈferəl,ˈfi(ə)rəl), we became firm(fərm) friends.

Polly had her first litter(ˈlidər) of kittens(ˈkitn) about the same time I had my baby Katie(kādi). Polly was a natural mother and accepted the bed I had made for her under the kitchen table. Unlike me, she purred(pər) loudly as she gave birth. Instinctively(inzˈtiNG(k)tivlē, inˈstiNG(k)tivlē), she knew exactly how to look after each kitten as she pushed it out. She cleaned each baby all over with her vigorous(ˈvig(ə)rəs) tongue(təNG), giving it life and breath(brēT͟H). She knew to let the little blind(blīnd) creature(ˈkrēCHər) find its way to her teats(tēt) for nourishment(ˈnə-riSH-,ˈnəriSHmənt). After hours of birthing(ˈbərTHiNG), she lay(lā) down with her babies, purring(pər) all the while, letting them suckle(ˈsəkəl) her endlessly with her claws(klô) gently massaging(məˈsäZH, məˈsäj) their little bodies. Tirelessly(ˈtī(ə)rləslē), she licked(lik) their tiny(ˈtīnē) bottoms(ˈbädəm) clean. This went on for days on end. Polly guarded(ˈɡärdəd) her kittens fiercely(ˈfirslē) and didn’t like to leave them, only doing so to eat a quick meal(mēl) or relieve(rəˈlēv) herself in a discreet(disˈkrēt) spot(spät) outside.

Cats like Polly were nothing more than kitten factories(ˈfakt(ə)rē). She usually had two litters of five kits each a year, in the spring and autumn. One year she had an extra(ˈekstrə) brood(bro͞od) during the summer.

Polly and I, in essence(ˈesəns), were mothers together.

…
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-my-cat-taught-me-how-to-be-a-good-mom/

It’s a boy!

At 2:24pm on April(ˈāprəl) 26th, 2019, our son was born in Beijing. I’m excited to introduce you to him!

His name is Alexander(ˌaləɡˈzandər) Thomas(ˈtäməs) Gordon(ˈɡôrdn). Both Alexander and Thomas are common names in my family. Alexander is my middle name, and it is also my father and his grandfather’s first name. Thomas is my brother’s middle name, and it is also my uncle and my grandfather’s first name.

Alexander is doing great so far. Like most babies, he spends most of his time eating and sleeping, and it’s incredible(inˈkredəb(ə)l) to see him growing each day.

His mother is also doing well. What a miracle(ˈmirək(ə)l) giving birth is! I’m in awe(ô) of what mothers do, and I’m grateful to have married a woman who has turned out to be such a wonderful mother to our children. I’m doing my best to be a good father.

Joe(jō) has been an amazing big brother, and he’s been a huge help to us as we’ve welcomed a new member into our family. I am also the oldest child in my family, so I understand how welcoming new siblings(ˈsibliNG) is a magical experience that can also sometimes be confusing and stressful(ˈstresfəl). I can’t wait for our two boys to get to know each other better and better.

Many of you have followed Joe’s “footprints(ˈfo͝otˌprint)” over the last several years through pictures at the bottom of the daily articles here. We’re so grateful for the new set of footprints that will join us on our adventures(adˈven(t)SHər, ədˈven(t)SHər), wherever they may take us.

Why You Procrastinate(prō-,prəˈkrastəˌnāt) (It Has Nothing to Do With Self-Control(kənˈtrōl))

If procrastination isn’t about laziness(ˈlāzēnəs), then what is it about?

By Charlotte(ˈSHärlət) Lieberman

If you’ve ever put off an important task by, say, alphabetizing(ˈalfəbəˌtīz) your spice(spīs) drawer(ˈdrô(ə)r), you know it wouldn’t be fair(fe(ə)r) to describe yourself as lazy(ˈlāzē).

After all, alphabetizing requires focus and effort — and hey(hā), maybe you even went the extra(ˈekstrə) mile(mīl) to wipe(wīp) down each bottle(ˈbädl) before putting it back. And it’s not like you’re hanging out with friends or watching Netflix. You’re cleaning — something your parents would be proud of! This isn’t laziness or bad time management. This is procrastination.

If procrastination isn’t about laziness, then what is it about?

Etymologically(ˌedəməˈläjəkəl), “procrastination” is derived(dəˈrīv) from the Latin(ˈlatn) verb(vərb) procrastinare — to put off until tomorrow. But it’s more than just voluntarily(ˈvälənˌterəlē,ˌvälənˈte(ə)rəlē) delaying(dəˈlā). Procrastination is also derived from the ancient(ˈānCHənt) Greek(grēk) word akrasia(əˈkrāZH(ē)ə) — doing something against our better judgment.

“It’s self-harm,” said Dr. Piers(pi(ə)r) Steel(stēl), a professor(prəˈfesər) of motivational(ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n(ə)l) psychology(sīˈkäləjē) at the University of Calgary(ˈkalgərē) and the author of “The Procrastination Equation(əˈkwāZHən): How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Stuff Done.”

That self-awareness(əˈwernəs) is a key part of why procrastinating makes us feel so rotten(ˈrätn). When we procrastinate, we’re not only aware that we’re avoiding the task in question, but also that doing so is probably a bad idea. And yet, we do it anyway.

“This is why we say that procrastination is essentially(əˈsen(t)SHəlē) irrational(iˈraSHənl),” said Dr. Fuschia Sirois, professor of psychology at the University of Sheffield(ˈSHefēld). “It doesn’t make sense to do something you know is going to have negative(ˈneɡədiv) consequences(ˈkänsikwəns).”

…
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/smarter-living/why-you-procrastinate-it-has-nothing-to-do-with-self-control.html

Simplifying(ˈsimpləˌfī), Downsizing, and Going Nomadic(nōˈmadik)

By Steve Pavlina

Recently I decided to undergo a major(ˈmājər) lifestyle transition(-ˈsiSHən,tranˈziSHən). In 2015 I plan to go completely(kəmˈplētlē) nomadic.

No stable home. Very few possessions(pəˈzeSHən). Living and working from the road.

For the past several weeks, I’ve already been taking action to prepare for this shift, but I still have a ways to go because I need to sell my house and process everything inside of it.

Timing-wise(wīz) I’m not sure how long it will take to actually get on the road. I’m not in a rush(rəSH), but most likely I’ll list my house for sale in the Spring and hopefully sell it in the Summer. The main limiting step is how long it takes to sell the house. I’m happy to keep making forward progress each month, but I’m flexible(ˈfleksəbəl) on the timing.

Rachelle and I are doing this together. She’s been spending the past several weeks downsizing all of her stuff.

This is something we’ve both been leaning towards for a long time, and we finally decided to go for it.

How long will we stay nomadic? Since we’ve never done this before, I have no idea. We’ll try it and see how it goes. We might burn out after several months. Or we might love it and keep going for several years. I suspect(səˈspekt) the latter(ˈladər) outcome is more likely.

Our current(ˈkə-rənt,ˈkərənt) intention is to travel somewhat slowly since switching locations too often seems more likely to lead to burnout. We’ll likely pick a city/country we want to visit for a while, rent an apartment or AirBnB place, stay for 2-3 months, and repeat with a different city when we’re ready to move on. Automatic(ˌôdəˈmadik) tourist(ˈto͝orəst) visas(ˈvēzə) are commonly(ˈkämənlē) granted for 90 days in many places, so this should give us plenty(ˈplen(t)ē) of options.

I have a number of friends who’ve already done this. Some have stopped after a few years. One has been going for 10+ years and still loves it. But everyone seems glad to have done it.

…
https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2014/11/simplifying-downsizing-and-going-nomadic/

The Beautiful Mornings Challenge(ˈCHalənj): Create a Sacred(ˈsākrəd) Morning Routine(ro͞oˈtēn)

By Leo Babauta

Our days are filled with chaos(ˈkāˌäs), busyness(ˈbizē) and noise(noiz) — often with very little time for intentional(inˈten(t)SH(ə)n(ə)l) activity, quiet(ˈkwīət), solitude(ˈsäləˌt(y)o͞od), mindfulness.

But we can intentionally create that lovely, mindful space that we crave(krāv).

Today I invite(inˈvīt) you to join me and a thousand others in my Sea Change Program as we launch(länCH,lônCH) into the Beautiful Mornings Challenge, which is about creating simple, lovely morning routines, and waking just a little earlier to make space for those intentional activities.

It’s about creating some space for meditation(ˌmedəˈtāSHən), reflection(rəˈflekSH(ə)n), movement, writing(ˈrīdiNG), or anything else you’d like to have room for in your life. And finding some space in the mornings for that, a sacred space that takes advantage(ədˈvan(t)ij) of the quiet(ˈkwīət) and beautiful light of the mornings.

Here’s how the challenge works:

Week 1: You pick one thing to do in the morning and wake up a little earlier to do it. There will be additional(əˈdiSHənl) instructions for this first week, but the idea is that we’re easing into it. We don’t need to have the “perfect” morning routine to get started. Btw(by the way.), this week could just be 5-10 minutes earlier than your usual wake time (20 minutes at the most). So pick a small task to fit into that. Things you might pick as your one thing to do: meditation, writing, yoga(ˈyōgə), journaling, writing, reading, or really anything that you’d like space for in your life. You cannot use the time for going on your phone or browsing(brouz) the Internet(ˈin(t)ərˌnet).

Week 2: You pick a second thing to do in the morning, and wake up a little earlier than last week. Again, wake just 5-10 minutes earlier, and ease into it. Pick another small task. Now we’re waking 10-20 minutes earlier each day, and doing two small tasks.

Week 3: You make this a mindful, sacred space. Instead of waking earlier and doing a third task, this week you’re going to take some time to adjust to the new wake time, and make this a sacred space where you practice(ˈpraktəs) mindfulness. We’ll go more into this in the article for this week.

Week 4: You wake just a little earlier, and perhaps(pərˈ(h)aps) choose a 3rd thing to do. Like the first two weeks, you’ll wake just a little earlier (5-10 minutes) and choose a third thing to do for your beautiful morning routine. You’ll keep practicing your sacred space and mindfulness from the previous week.

So it’s that simple … slowly wake a little earlier each weeks (for 3 of the weeks) to make space for something you’d like to have in your mornings. And spend a little time making it a sacred space where you practice mindfully.

https://zenhabits.net/beautiful-mornings/

Babysitter

BABYSITTER

INT: A MESSY(ˈmesē) HOUSEHOLD.

Adrian(ˈādrēən), age four, is being babysat(ˈbābēˌsit) by his teenage(ˈtēnˌāj) neighbor(ˈnābər).

ADRIAN

I’m the king! King Boomhammer(ˈhamər)! You can’t be the queen(kwēn) because the queen is gone. She got took with the dragon(ˈdragən) and the dragon went to its cave(kāv) and now we have to get her but she died.

You can be the son who’s in high school. And I’ll be the son who’s in college(ˈkälij). And I’m the king. King Boomhammer! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Okay, I get the sword(sôrd) and you can have the axe(aks).

(Hands her the axe, but she accepts(əkˈsept) it a bit too readily(ˈredəlē) for his taste

and he warily(ˈwe(ə)rəlē) takes it back.)

No, I get the axe. You can have the stethoscope(ˈsteTHəˌskōp). And you have to stand on the couch(kouCH) and get all the way to the kitchen(ˈkiCHən) without touching the floor because if you touch it then it’ll burn your feet and your legs and your whole body and then you’ll die.

Mom says I can stand on the couch as long as I take my shoes off, so you have to take your shoes off too, because I’m the king and you have to do what I say, okay?

https://www.instantmonologues.com/preview/Babysitter

Darkness Visible, Finally: Astronomers(əˈstränəmər) Capture First Ever Image of a Black Hole

Astronomers at last have captured a picture of one of the most secretive(ˈsēkridiv) entities(ˈen(t)ədē) in the cosmos(-ˌmäs,-ˌmōs,ˈkäzməs).

By Dennis(dannəs) Overbye

Astronomers announced on Wednesday(-dē,ˈwenzdā) that at last they had captured an image of the unobservable(ˌənəbˈzərvəbəl): a black hole, a cosmic(ˈkäzmik) abyss(əˈbis) so deep and dense(dens) that not even light can escape(əˈskāp) it.

For years, and for all the mounting(ˈmoun(t)iNG) scientific(ˌsīənˈtifik) evidence, black holes have remained(rəˈmān) marooned(məˈro͞on) in the imaginations(iˌmajəˈnāSHən) of artists(ˈärdəst) and the algorithms(ˈalɡəˌriT͟Həm) of splashy(ˈsplaSHē) computer models of the kind used in Christopher(ˈkristəfər) Nolan’s outer-space epic(ˈepik) “Interstellar(ˌin(t)ərˈstelər).” Now they are more real than ever.

“We have seen what we thought was unseeable(ˌənˈsēəbəl),” said Shep(a) Doeleman(dooləmən), an astronomer at the Harvard-Smithsonian(sôˈnēn) Center for Astrophysics(ˈastrōˈfizik), and director of the effort(ˈefərt) to capture the image, during a Wednesday news conference(ˈkänf(ə)rəns) in Washington(ˈwäSH-,ˈwôSHiNGtən), D.C.

The image, of a lopsided(ˈläpˌsīdəd, ˌläpˈsīdəd) ring of light surrounding a dark circle deep in the heart of a galaxy(ˈgaləksē) known as Messier(ˈmesēˌā, mesˈyā) 87, some 55 million light-years away from Earth, resembled(rəˈzembəl) the Eye of Sauron, a reminder(rəˈmīndər) yet again of the implacable(imˈplakəb(ə)l) power of nature. It is a smoke ring framing(ˈfrāmiNG) a one-way portal(ˈpôrtl) to eternity(əˈtərnədē).

To capture the image, astronomers reached across intergalactic(ˌin(t)ərɡəˈlaktik) space to Messier 87, or M87, a giant(ˈjīənt) galaxy in the constellation(ˌkänstəˈlāSHən) Virgo(ˈvərgō). There, a black hole several billion times more massive(ˈmasiv) than the sun is unleashing(ˌənˈlēSH) a violent(ˈvī(ə)lənt) jet(jet) of energy(ˈenərjē) some 5,000 light-years into space.

…
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/10/science/black-hole-picture.html

Accelerate(əkˈseləˌrāt) change

By Derek Sivers

I want to accelerate change. All change, even “bad”.

I put “bad” in quotes(kwōt), because that’s what others call it, though I don’t believe you can call a fact bad or good.

Why do I want even “bad” change? Because it’s a challenge. And I’m one confident(-fəˌdent,ˈkänfədənt) mofo(ˈmōfō). I can handle anything the world throws my way. So bring it on!

Accelerating change is a time machine. Let’s get the future here faster. Change is good training.

There’s opportunity in everything. If it’s something that most people see as a “bad” change, then discovering its benefit(ˈbenəfit) is even more fun.

Cut off my legs, and I’ll still find a way to run.

https://sivers.org/accch

it calls me home

By Henry H. Walker

The “Cabin(ˈkabən) on the Creek(krēk)”

for my brothers and me,
home is first, and last, the “Cabin,”
it’s where we children spent our summers growing up,
where we, and our parents, had time for each other,
where land and rock, stream and forest(ˈfär-,ˈfôrəst),
were our friends before technology and screens
filed(fīl) a void(void) we didn’t know we had,
or maybe created a void in us,
after we had them, that only they can fill(fil),

as both of my brothers slipped(slipt) into their final days,
Cabin and parents called to them to come home,

my own psyche(ˈsīkē) centers(ˈsen(t)ər) itself here,
the last homely home
before nature and mountain
swallow(ˈswälō) and expand(ikˈspand) the wanderer(ˈwändərər).

https://henryspoetry.blogspot.com/2019/04/it-calls-me-home.html