How long does it take to get used to being retired?

By Louise Dwerryhouse

When I told my family physician(fəˈziSHən) I would be retiring(rəˈtī(ə)riNG), he told me it would most likely take me up to two years to adjust to this rite(rīt) of passage. Really? How much adjustment would it take to lead a charmed(CHärmd) life of leisure(ˈleZHər,ˈlēZHər)? To stay up late and get out of bed whenever I felt like it; I had always been a night owl(oul). To read the newspaper at a snail’s(snāl) pace(pās,ˈpäˌCHā,ˈpāˌsē) after breakfast; never to be rushed(rəSHt) again, with only time enough to scan the headlines at the end of a busy day. To take long soaks(sōk) in the tub(təb) each morning instead of my 30-year habit of two-minute showers(ˈSHou(-ə)r). To stop rushing on weekdays or suffering through weekends(ˈwēkˌend) jam-packed(jam-packed) with errands(ˈerənd) and chores(CHôr) I did not have time to do during the week. It sounded like pure bliss(blis) to me. I was looking forward to enjoying every second of what appeared to be a very pleasurable(ˈpleZHərəbəl) stage in life and anticipated(anˈtisəˌpāt) no adjustment period whatsoever.

I couldn’t have been further off the mark. After just a few weeks of retirement, anxiety slowly started creeping into my day. It was pleasant(ˈplezənt) to be able to read the newspaper from front to back, which helped kill time, but what else could I do for the other seven hours, when nothing else was planned? The vastness(ˈvas(t)nəs) of time spread(spred) out in front of me on the horizon(həˈrīzən) like an ominous(ˈämənəs)-looking black lake on a moonless night.

It was only after I signed up for classes and other activities that I discovered I had no aptitude(ˈaptəˌt(y)o͞od) for anything. My attempts at painting were abysmal(əˈbizməl). I painted dreadful(ˈdredfəl) abstract after dreadful abstract. I really tried but discovered even abstract is a bit more difficult to do than one might think. I became discouraged(dəˈskərijd) by my lack of talent(ˈtalənt) and the fact that I couldn’t even master a paint-splattered(ˈspladər) Jackson Pollock knock-off if I tried.

…
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-how-long-does-it-take-to-get-used-to-being-retired/

The Downeaster “Alexa(əleksə)”

By Billy(ˈbilē) Joel(jō(ə)l)

Well I’m on the Downeaster Alexa
And I’m cruising(kro͞oz) through Block Island Sound
I have charted a course to the Vineyard(ˈvinyərd)
But tonight I am Nantucket(nanˈtəkət) bound
We took on diesel(ˈdēzəl, ˈdēsəl) back in Montauk yesterday
And left this morning from the bell(bel) in Gardiner’s Bay
Like all the locals here I’ve had to sell my home
Too proud to leave I worked my fingers to the bone
So I could own my Downeaster Alexa
And I go where the ocean is deep
There are giants(ˈjīənt) out there in the canyons(ˈkanyən)
And a good captain can’t fall asleep
I’ve got bills to pay and children who need clothes
I know there’s fish out there but where God only knows
They say these waters aren’t what they used to be
But I’ve got people back on land who count on me
So if you see my Downeaster Alexa
And if you work with the rod(räd) and the reel(rēl)
Tell my wife I am trolling(trōl) Atlantis(ətˈlan(t)əs)
And I still have my hands on the wheel((h)wēl)

Now I drive my Downeaster Alexa
More and more miles(mīl) from shore(SHôr) every year
Since they tell me I can’t sell no stripers(ī)
And there’s no luck in swordfishing(sôrd) here
I was a bayman like my father was before
Can’t make a living as a bayman anymore
There ain’t(ānt) much future for a man who works the sea
But there ain’t no island(ˈīlənd) left for islanders like me

https://y.qq.com/n/yqq/song/002CT9KD2DTvpF.html

My life became immeasurably(i(m)ˈmeZH(ə)rəblē) better when I stopped keeping my phone by my bed

When I couldn’t sleep, I would turn to my mobile for a portal(ˈpôrdl) into another world. But there were definite(ˈdef(ə)nət) downsides to scanning Instagram in the early hours

By Jack Sommers

When I was a kid, I thought that monsters came out of the dark. Turns out, they actually come out of the light. Like you, I run my life on the supercomputer in my pocket. At night I would place it under the pillow(ˈpilō) and struggle to put it out of mind, its bright(brīt) screen a portal to other worlds.

Sure, most of Twitter is bile(bīl), but social media suits my exhibitionist(exˌbiSHəˈnist) spirit; I want to be front and centre(center) of whatever conversations are happening. As a journalist(ˈjərn(ə)ləst), I am meant to be. When I said I wanted to get my phone out of my bedroom, a colleague half-jokingly asked : “What if something happens?”

So I read when I should have slept. I read funny takes on the latest meme(mēm). I read takedowns of Donald Trump’s latest outburst(ˈoutˌbərst). I read people I thought I respected making excuses(ikˈskyo͞oz) for cruelty(ˈkro͞o(ə)ltē) as casually(ˈkaZHo͞oəlē) as cruelty seems to be creeping(krēp) into public life. I read sombre(ˈsämbər) updates on fresh(freSH) tragedies(ˈtrajədē). I did not see the link between bingeing(binj) on horror(ˈhär-,ˈhôrər) and not sleeping.

Your 30s are hard, with increasing(inˈkrēs) responsibilities. Everyone else deals with it, why can’t you? These thoughts whirred((h)wər) round my brain as I stared up at the ceiling(ˈsēliNG), sensing my heart rate(rāt) rising the more I wondered why I was still awake. When deep breathing didn’t work, I would turn to the phone under my pillow. No new emails, hardly any new tweets except from Americans. So I’d go on Instagram, where I felt sad as I followed others living their best lives without me.

My first attempts to sleep better meant keeping the phone close. I downloaded an app of soothing(ˈso͞oT͟HiNG) noises(noiz), listened to a crackling(ˈkraklən) fire through headphones and, when this didn’t work, turned it to full volume(ˈvälyəm), which your phone warns can damage hearing. It makes as much sense as deciding that, because a campfire(ˈkampˌfī(ə)r) isn’t warm enough, you should put your face on it.

…
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/aug/25/my-life-better-stopped-keeping-phone-by-bed

Cutting Through Overthinking with Action

By Leo Babauta

If overthinking can be a trap of indecision(ˌindəˈsiZH(ə)n), an unsolvable(ˌənˈsälvəbəl) knot(nät) … how do we untie(ˌənˈtī) it? By cutting through it.

There can be no solving this knot through thinking — it’s thinking that gets us into it. Now, I’m not saying that “thinking is bad” … I believe we should contemplate(ˈkäntəmˌplāt) pros(prō) and cons(kän), that we should take a step back from action and get some perspective, see the big picture, consider the deeper Why of what we’re doing. But at some point, we have to say, “Enough!” And then take action.

Setting a limit for thinking can be a good way to do this. “I’m going to spend the next 2 days thinking about it, and then make a decision on Tuesday.” You consider the merits(ˈmerət), you do a bit of research, you talk to other people. Then you decide, and take action.

How do you decide when there is no certain answer? You have to just pick something that seems to be the best, given your limited information. It’s like poker(ˈpōkər) — you never have complete(kəmˈplēt) information, but have to make a decision based on what you do know, and the most likely outcomes (the likelihood(ˈlīklēˌho͝od) is based on what you know, but you can adjust your mental(ˈmen(t)l) probabilities with experience).

You start by taking a step back, think about your deeper Why as it relates to this decision … and also what you’re basing this decision on. Is it based on fear? On instant gratification(ˌɡradəfəˈkāSH(ə)n) of a desire? These don’t lead to good long-term outcomes, in my experience. The place to come from is long-term benefit — is this a loving action for those you care about, or for yourself?

Then you think about the different factors that weigh(wā) into the decision, and how important each are to you. You think about likely outcomes of each possibility (don’t limit yourself to just 2 possibilities), and weigh the probable benefits with the probable costs.

And then finally, you just go with the decision that seems best. Do a quick review of whether this is for the best long-term benefit. And then pull the trigger(ˈtrigər). Step off the plank(plaNGk).

You cut through all the doubts(dout) and fears and hand-wringing(riNG) that are holding you back, and just dive(dīv) in.

Get good at this diving in by doing it in small versions(ˈvərZHən):

Write something short and publish it
Take a small action to your long-term dream career(kəˈri(ə)r) or business
Take a small action to be healthier(ˈhelTHē)
Declutter(ˈdēklətər) one thing that’s easy to decide on, rather than getting stuck on things that are hard for you to make a decision about

What decisions are you stuck on? Can you make a small decision that’s easier, and take action? It might give you more information that helps with the bigger decision. And in the end, the real benefit is practicing(ˈpraktəs) taking action without getting caught up in indecision and inaction.

https://zenhabits.net/overthink/

the great city of New York

a country mouse(mous) in the city

By Henry H. Walker

I am excited to be in New York,
me, a child of nature,
who most feels at home
where the buffalo(ˈbəfəˌlō) roam(rōm), or did,
me, like Davy Crockett(ˈkräkit),
who found the smoke of a neighbor’s(ˈnābər) fire(fīr)
telling him to go further away
from the contagion(kənˈtājən) of people,
me, who loves to be alone(əˈlōn) on a mountain top,
alone exploring a stream, a flower,
the enigmatic(ˌenəɡˈmadik) schedules(-jəl,ˈskejo͞ol) of a bear(be(ə)r),

I love being here in New York,
where canyons(ˈkanyən) are made by human construction,
buildings which rise(rīz) straight(strāt) and presumptive(prəˈzəm(p)tiv),
where people are everywhere,
each different as a snow flake(flāk),
each also me if I let my self soar(sôr)
into imagining how very alike we are
in our dreams and in our fears,
how each difference in us is like a spice(spīs)
that helps me awaken a sense within me
that loves to savor(ˈsāvər) how incredible the world is
that we humans can envision(ənˈviZHən) and create,

New York City shouts of the hope
our species(ˈspēsēz, ˈspēSHēz) needs to endure(enˈd(y)o͝or), and prosper(ˈpräspər).

https://henryspoetry.blogspot.com/2019/09/the-great-city-of-new-york.html

Double Ninth Festival

The Double Ninth Festival (or Chong Yang Festival), observed(əbˈzərv) on the ninth day of the ninth month in the Chinese calendar(ˈkaləndər), is a traditional Chinese holiday, mentioned in writing since before the Eastern Han period(ˈpi(ə)rēəd) (before AD 25).

According to the I Ching(ˈjiNG,ˈē ˈCHiNG), nine is a yang number; the ninth day of the ninth lunar(ˈlo͞onər) month (or double nine) has too much yang (a traditional Chinese spiritual(ˈspiriCHo͞oəl) concept(ˈkänˌsept)) and is thus a potentially(pəˈten(t)SHəlē) dangerous(ˈdānj(ə)rəs) date. Hence, the day is also called “Double Yang Festival”. To protect against danger(ˈdānjər), it is customary(ˈkəstəˌmerē) to climb(klīm) a high mountain, drink chrysanthemum(kriˈsanTHəməm) liquor(ˈlikər), and wear the zhuyu plant, Cornus officinalis. (Both chrysanthemum and zhuyu are considered to have cleansing(klenz) qualities and are used on other occasions(əˈkāZHən) to air out houses and cure(kyo͝or) illnesses(ˈilnəs).)

On this holiday some Chinese also visit the graves(gräv,ˈgrāvz) of their ancestors(ˈanˌsestər) to pay their respects. In Hong Kong, whole extended families head to ancestral(anˈsestrəl) graves to clean them and repaint(ˌrēˈpānt) inscriptions(inˈskripSHən), and to lay out food offerings such as roast(rōst) suckling(ˈsəkliNG) pig and fruit, which are then eaten (after the spirits have consumed the spiritual element of the food). Chongyang Cake is also popular. Incense(inˈsens) sticks(stik) are burned. Cemeteries(ˈseməˌterē) get crowded, and each year grass(gras) fires(fīr) are inadvertently(ˌinədˈvərtntlē) started by the burning incense sticks.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_Ninth_Festival

Would you let your child become a ‘kid influencer(ˈinflo͝oəns)’?

By Suzanne Bearne

Social media “influencers” - people who promote(prəˈmōt) goods and
services for money online - are getting younger and younger it seems. And services are springing up to teach parents and kids just how to do it.

Ralphie(fē) Waplington(ā) is just two-and-a-half years old, yet he has almost 20,000 followers(ˈfälō-ər) on Instagram.

His page features pictures of him wearing gifted clothes, enjoying freebie(ˈfrēbē) trips(trip) and fronting(frənt) posts sponsored(ˈspänsər) by brands such as Peppa Pig and McDonald’s.

His parents, Stacey(tā) Woodhams and Adam(ˈadəm) Waplington, from Brentwood(ˈbrentˌwo͝od) in Essex(ˈesəks), set up the account in 2017 when he was just a couple of weeks old.

Initially(iˈniSH(ə)lē), this was simply to “document pictures of him for friends and family”, they say. But follower numbers rocketed when the toddler(ˈtädlər) was pictured with products gifted by local businesses.

Stacey says his mini(ˈminē)-stardom(ˈstärdəm) has led to incredible(inˈkredəbəl) opportunities.

“It is giving us an unbelievable experience as a family and it’s great if we can create some kind of media CV for him, put money away in the bank and build memories for us.”

From toddlers appearing on carefully curated(-ˌrāt,ˈkyo͝orət,ˈkyo͝oˌrāt) accounts set up by their parents, to teenagers(ˈtēnˌājər) creating their own channels on YouTube, more kids are becoming social media “influencers”.

…
https://www.bbc.com/news/business-49333712

The Trap(trap) of Overthinking

By Leo Babauta

For someone who doesn’t see a lot of possibilities, sometimes a choice is easy — you just choose the one that looks obvious(ˈäbvēəs).

But for someone who has an abundance(əˈbəndəns) of intelligence(inˈteləjəns), there are many more doors than that. And choosing can seem impossible. So this person starts creating a decision tree in their mind: “If I choose this, then this might happen, which means I need to decide if I want this, and then that might happen … but then this other option brings three more decisions …”

They also will research every option, which leads to more research. It becomes an endless cycle(ˈsīkəl) of thinking through options, researching it, and through the research finding even more things to think about. No decision can ever be made!

It’s also impossible to analyze(ˈanlˌīz) so many endless options, because each option contains a lot of uncertainty — you can never know how each will turn out, how important every factor(ˈfaktər) is, what the probability is of each possibility happening.

The uncertainty(ˌənˈsərtn(t)ē) in this kind of thinking is what keeps us stuck in indecision(ˌindəˈsiZH(ə)n). We fear(fi(ə)r) the uncertain outcome, and would rather have cold hard data, and much more certainty.

But we can never have the kind of certainty we’d like. We’d have to run experiments or do scientific research on every single thing before taking action, which means we’ve just missed out on opportunities as we did that research! Spending a lot of time analyzing comes with opportunity cost.

So how do we deal with this? By cutting through the overthinking with action.

https://zenhabits.net/overthink/

moving toward(tôrd, t(ə)ˈwôrd) rightness

to open the lock into truth

By Henry H. Walker

much of life seems
a desperate(ˈdesp(ə)rət) attempt to get the code
that opens the lock
into the rightness that we seek,

we get seduced(səˈd(y)o͞os) away from the search
by the glitter(ˈɡlidər) of others’ opinions(əˈpinyən),
by the gratification(ˌɡradəfəˈkāSH(ə)n) of our senses(sens),
by getting enough of the numbers right
that we pause(pôz) our effort,
since we feel on the verge(vərj) of success,

I look at others,
and I feel how much they seem to have gotten it right,
and then I feel that the final numbers aren’t quite there,

we have to act with our life, our decision,
before we can feel any sureness,

we have to move forward,
despite(dəˈspīt) the darkness and doubt(dout) that beset(bəˈset) us,

we have to act with the numbers
that reveal(rəˈvēl) themselves to us,
we have to hope that we move forward,
and with rightness.

https://henryspoetry.blogspot.com/2019/08/moving-toward-rightness.html

A mentalist’s(ˈmen(t)ələst) guide to being happy

The illusionist(iˈlo͞oZHənəst) Derren Brown(broun) has studied the philosophy(fəˈläsəfē) and psychology(sīˈkäləjē) of happiness - and he argues(ˈärgyo͞o) that many of us could take a radical(ˈradək(ə)l) new approach to improving our wellbeing.

By David(ˈdāvid) Robson

Imagine that you are standing on one side of a river, and you want to reach a village(ˈvilij) on the other side.

You have a group of cheerleaders(ˈCHi(ə)rˌlēdər) behind you, egging(eg) you on. So you set off, full of determination(dəˌtərməˈnāSH(ə)n). But you have forgotten to take the river’s current into account – and no matter how hard you strain(strān) your muscles(ˈməsəl), you can’t quite overcome it. By the time you reach the other bank, you have been pulled far from the place you intended to be.

We may not like to admit it, but our life follows a similar(ˈsimələr) trajectory(trəˈjektərē) – as forces(fôrs) beyond our control drag us from our chosen(ˈCHōzən) path. And the importance of recognising(ˈrekəɡˌnīz) this fact is just one of the many lessons I learnt from Derren Brown, the illusionist, “mentalist” (mind-reader) and writer, whose book Happy explores the philosophy and psychology of wellbeing.

Most self-help books would suggest that you can fight(fīt) life’s currents with determination and positive(ˈpäzədiv) thinking. But taking inspiration(ˌinspəˈrāSHən) from ancient(ˈānCHənt) Greek and Roman philosophers(fəˈläsəfər) like the Stoics(ˈstōik) and 19th Century German thinker Arthur(ˈärTHər) Schopenhauer(ˈSHōpənˌhou-ər), as well as modern scientific(ˌsīənˈtifik) research, Brown believes that this is simply a recipe(ˈresəˌpē) for disappointment and frustration(frəˈstrāSHən). “We’re better off making our peace(pēs) with the fact that that is the dynamic(dīˈnamik) of life – rather than creating a false idea that we can somehow control everything to bring it in line with what our goals are,” he says.

…
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20190605-a-mentalists-guide-to-being-happy