Turning 40 and Looking Death in the Eye

Turning 40 and Looking Death in the Eye

By Michael David(ˈdāvid) Lukas(lo͝okəs)

I’m turning 40 this week, and I’m still not sure what to do about it. Originally(əˈrij(ə)nəlē), I wanted to have a big party, a bacchanalian(ˌbäkəˈnālēən, ˌbakəˈnālēən) blowout(ˈblōˌout) to celebrate(ˈseləˌbrāt) the official(əˈfiSHəl) end of my youth. But then I thought better(ˈbedər) of the idea. What I really wanted was a childless weekend with my wife away in the Napa(ˈnapə) Valley(ˈvalē). Even one night would be enough, so long as there was time for a soak(sōk), a meal(mēl), maybe a massage(-ˈsäj,məˈsäZH).

This was the plan until a few months ago when my wife was told she had colon(ˈkōlən) cancer and our weekend getaway in wine(wīn) country took a back seat(sēt) to everything else.

“We should still do something,” she said the other night at dinner(ˈdinər). “You only turn 40 once.”

At this, my older daughter, who is 3½(three and half), looked up from her noodles(ˈno͞odl).

“Does 40 mean you die?” she asked.

If she had asked this question a few months earlier, I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about saying, in the age-old way of parents, that Mommy and Daddy are going to be around for a long, long time. But given the circumstances(-stəns,ˈsərkəmˌstans), I felt(felt) as though I had to tell her the truth, or at least some approximation(əˌpräksəˈmāSHən) of it.

“No one knows when they’re going to die,” I said. Then, not wanting to scare(ske(ə)r) her too much, I added, “But we hope we’re going to be around for a long, long time.”

Actuarially(ˌak(t)SHəˈwerēəl) speaking, 40 is smack(smak)-dab(dab) in the middle of life. It’s the end of the beginning and the beginning of the end. Which is probably why the milestone(ˈmīlˌstōn) has so much resonance(ˈrezənəns). The classic(ˈklasik) midlife crisis(ˈkrīsis) — buying a sports car or a boat — may not be as prevalent(ˈprevələnt) as it once was. Still, it’s hard to pass by 40 without reflecting on one’s path through life.

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https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/23/opinion/sunday/turning-40-death.html