After raising four boys, it’s time to choose my own adventure

After raising(rāz) four boys, it’s time to choose my own adventure(adˈven(t)SHər, ədˈven(t)SHər, adˈvenCHər)

By Jennifer(jenəfər) McGuire(mə)

I am moving to Europe(ˈyo͝orəp) in January(ˈjanyəˌwerē) for four months. Italy(ˈidəlē) for two months, and then France(frans,fräNs), and then one extra(ˈekstrə) as-yet-to-be-chosen location that I’ve decided to call “dealer’s(ˈdēlər) choice” because I’m trying to be spontaneous(spänˈtānēəs) here. I am not going to Italy to get over a breakup or a death in the family (knocks(näk) vigorously(ˈvig(ə)rəslē) on wood) or to find love. When I think of leaving in just a few weeks after years of planning(ˈplaniNG), I try to focus on all of the ways I’ll be living some sort of Eat, Pray(prā), Love dream. I try not to think about being alone, unable to make someone laugh because I’m only funny in English. I try not to think about the life I’m leaving behind.

I’m going away for four months because I’ve been raising four sons on my own for the past 16 years and my youngest is moving out, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with the rest(rest) of my life. A month for each loss(läs,lôs). Earlier this year, I could not think beyond September. My mind went blank. It was the first September in almost 20 years when I did not have to consult(kənˈsəlt) a school-supply list at Staples(ˈstāpəl), or check flyers for all the BOGO shoe(SHo͞o) sales and hope the styles available are deemed(dēm) acceptable(akˈseptəbəl). I even started to rummage(ˈrəmij) through backpacks at Winners then realized I don’t need to buy any this year.

The moment left me mute(myo͞ot) with shock(SHäk). Later I stood in the parking lot, stunned(stən) silent, clutching(kləCH) my key fob(fäb). Looking off into a vacant(ˈvākənt) future I had no way of predicting(priˈdikt).

All of my adult life I have been growing boys. I’m not someone who enjoys doing math, but lately(ˈlātlē) all I can think of are the numbers of my life. First son at 21, second at 23, third at 27, fourth at 28. Single mom by 30. Two or more jobs at a time since 30.

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https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-after-raising-four-boys-its-time-to-choose-my-own-adventure/