Are Siblings More Important Than Parents?

Are Siblings(ˈsibliNG) More Important Than Parents?

How brothers and sisters shape who we are

By Ben Healy(hēlē)

We don’t choose our siblings the way we choose our partners and friends. Of course, we don’t choose our parents either, but they usually make that up to us by sustaining(səˈstān) us on the way to adulthood((əˈdəltho͝od, ˈadəltho͝od). Brothers and sisters are just sort of there. And yet, when it comes to our development, they can be more influential(ˌinflo͞oˈenCHəl) than parents. This holds whether they are older and cool, or younger and frustrating(ˈfrəsˌtrāt); whether we follow in their footsteps, or run screaming in the other direction.

Part of siblings’ sway(swā) has to do with their sheer(SHi(ə)r) presence(ˈprezəns). Eighty-two percent of kids live with a sibling (a greater share than live with a father), and about 75 percent of 70-year-olds have a living sibling. For those of us who have brothers or sisters, our relationships with them will likely be the longest of our life.

Whether these relationships make our life better or worse is a more complicated(ˈkämpləˌkātid) question. On the upside, positive interactions with siblings during adolescence(ˌadlˈesəns) foster(ˈfäs-,ˈfôstər) empathy(ˈempəTHē), prosocial(prōˈsōSHəl) behavior, and academic(ˌakəˈdemik) achievement. This effect can be complicated by a full house, however. Kids with more siblings (a larger “sibship(ˈsibSHip),” to use the industry term) do worse in school—although the universality(ˌyo͞onəvərˈsalədē) of this finding has been challenged(ˈCHalənjd) by studies of Mormons and the entire population of Norway(ˈnôrˌwā).

When a sibling relationship is bad, however, it can be really bad—as in messing(mes)-up-your-life bad. Tense(tens) sibling relationships make people more likely to use substances(ˈsəbstəns) and to be depressed(dəˈprest) and anxious(ˈaNG(k)SHəs) in adolescence(ˌadlˈesəns). Moreover, sibling bullying(ˈbo͝olē) makes a kid more likely to engage(enˈgāj) in self-harm as a teen and to become psychotic(sīˈkätik) by age 18.

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https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/11/the-science-of-sibling-rivalry/570811/