Why won’t he sleep? A parent’s lament

Why won’t he sleep? A parent’s lament(ləˈment)

By Breann Kirincich

In junior(ˈjo͞onyər) high, I was a serious(ˈsi(ə)rēəs) night owl(oul). I proudly(ˈproudlē) taped the mantra(ˈmantrə,ˈmän-) “You Can Sleep When You’re 30” to my bedroom wall.

Fast forward and, contrary(ˈkäntrerē) to my adolescent(ˌadlˈesənt) foreboding(fôrˈbōdiNG), I am getting less sleep than ever before. When I was pregnant(ˈpregnənt), people warned me I would never sleep again, but I brushed(brəSHt) these harbingers(ˈhärbənjər) aside. As it turns out, sleep deprivation(ˌdeprəˈvāSHən) is something no one can prepare you for until you experience it yourself.

My beautiful, angelic(anˈjelik) son would transform into a tiny(ˈtīnē), bald(bôld), 14-pound dictator(ˈdikˌtātər) at the first sign(sīn) of nightfall. He flatly(ˈflatlē) refused to sleep anywhere but on me or my husband, so for the first few weeks we slept in shifts. I logged many a night with a baby on my chest(CHest), catching up on all 10 seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race(rās). As for naps(nap), our petit(ˈpetē) prince(prins) would only doze(dōz) in his stroller(ˈstrōlər), so I pounded the pavement(ˈpāvmənt) for hours each day; rain, shine(SHīn), even once during a full-fledged(flejd) ice storm. I couldn’t even rest at crosswalks(ˈkrôsˌwôk), lest(lest) the slightest pause(pôz) in motion rouse(rouz) him from his precious(ˈpreSHəs) slumber(ˈsləmbər). I once woke up with my arm extended(ikˈstendid), pushing a phantom(ˈfantəm) stroller in my dreams.

A friend took one look at the bags under my eyes and suggested I hire(hīr) a night nurse(nərs). I initially(iˈniSHəlē) balked(bôk) at the astronomical(ˌastrəˈnämikəl) expense(ikˈspens); who was I, Angelina Jolie? But after searching high and low for the TV remote one day only to find it in the refrigerator(riˈfrijəˌrātər), I dipped into my savings and gave it a shot. Annette was with us for three nights, and during that time, she not only got my son to sleep in his bassinet(ˌbasəˈnet), she also taught us a lot about baby care and routine(ro͞oˈtēn). I was able to get seven hours of uninterrupted(ˌənˌintəˈrəptid) sleep a night and I felt like I could conquer(ˈkäNGkər) the world.

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https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-why-wont-he-sleep-a-parents-lament/