Connecting From the Heart

Connecting From the Heart

By Steve Pavlina

How do you create a heart(härt)-centered(ˈsentərd) connection with someone close to you?

I think the best way to do it is to let the other person see you naked(ˈnākid).

I don’t mean this in the physical(ˈfizikəl) sense(sens), but in the emotional(iˈmōSHənəl)-spiritual(ˈspiriCHo͞oəl) sense.

As you converse(ˈkänˌvərs) with the other person, talk about your career(kəˈri(ə)r); then let it go. Talk about your past; then let it go. Talk about your other relationships; then let those go as well.

Keep talking and connecting without re-hashing the same subjects. Eventually(iˈvenCHo͞oəlē) you’ll come upon(əˈpän,əˈpôn) a thought that’s uncomfortable(-ˈkəmftərbəl,ˌənˈkəmfərtəbəl) for you to explore(ikˈsplôr). This is where you must summon(ˈsəmən) the courage(ˈkə-rij,ˈkərij) to delve(delv) in and share.

If there’s an end goal here, it’s to reach the point where you feel so safe with each other, that you can ask absolutely(ˌabsəˈlo͞otlē) anything and get an emotionally deep and honest(ˈänist) answer in response, no matter how embarrassing(emˈbarəsiNG) the questions may seem or how painful the inner wounds(wo͞ond) are. You become completely(kəmˈplētlē) naked(ˈnākid) to each other with nothing left to hide.

In practice this involves a bit of a dance. Sometimes you’ll come upon new truths(tro͞oTH) that are too intense(inˈtens) or too difficult to face right away. Sometimes you won’t feel very connected to your inner truth, so you won’t be sure what to say. When that happens you can back off a bit and discuss(disˈkəs) something easier and more mundane(ˌmənˈdān) for a while, or simply(ˈsimplē) take a break(brāk). Then later when you feel ready, you can return to exploring the deeper levels of yourselves once again.

As the other person shares herself with you, let her know that she’s unconditionally(-ˈdiSHnəl,ˌənkənˈdiSHənl) loved and accepted by you. Don’t judge(jəj) her or invalidate(inˈvaliˌdāt) her experience. Just keep your heart open, and quietly(ˈkwīət) observe(əbˈzərv).

Making yourself vulnerable(ˈvəln(ə)rəbəl) by sharing truths about yourself in turn makes it easier for the other person to feel accepted(akˈseptid) by you because you’re giving her the chance to accept you first.

Don’t wait(wāt) — initiate(ɪˈnɪʃiˌeɪt). When in doubt(dout) about who should take the next step to reveal(riˈvēl) something deeply personal, you go first. Prove(pro͞ov) to life, the universe(ˈyo͞onəˌvərs), and your partner that you’re willing to take a risk(risk) and that you’re willing to trust. Magical things will happen when you do that.

Emotional risk-taking creates emotional depth. When you open your heart to someone and share the deepest truths about yourself, and they do the same, you gradually(ˈgrajo͞oəlē) strip(strip) away layers(ˈlāər) of falsehood(ˈfôlsˌho͝od) and self-deception(diˈsepSHən), aligning(əˈlīn) yourself with ever deeper truths. Doing this with someone else creates an amazing sense of connectedness.

It’s a life-changing experience to see another human being as she really is and to allow her to see the real(rāˈäl,ˈrē(ə)l) you — to see your inner beauty(ˈbyo͞otē) and magnificence(magˈnifəsəns) reflected back to you in the eyes of another… and to see so much of yourself in her.

You are loved(ləv). 🙂

https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2010/11/connecting-from-the-heart/