How to Help(help) Negative(ˈnegətiv) People

How to Help(help) Negative(ˈnegətiv) People

By Steve Pavlina

Many people have asked me how they can help someone who’s stuck in negative(ˈnegətiv) thinking or depression(diˈpreSHən). Here are some tips(tip) on how to do that.

No matter what happens, stay positive(ˈpäztiv,ˈpäzətiv).

I once visited the house of an old acquaintance(əˈkwāntns), and as soon(so͞on) as I saw him, I felt a wave(wāv) of darkness pouring(pôr) over me. I regretted(riˈgret) stopping by almost immediately(iˈmēdē-itlē). No matter how many times I changed the subject, he proceeded(prō-,prəˈsēd) to spin(spin) every topic of discussion into an excuse to complain(kəmˈplān) about what he disliked about his life, other people, and the world at large. After 30 minutes I couldn’t take it anymore and had to leave(lēv). This man was a major(ˈmājər) energy(ˈenərjē) vampire(ˈvamˌpī(ə)r), trying to get me to agree with all his imaginary(iˈmajəˌnerē) woes(wō) in order to validate(ˈvaləˌdāt) his victimhood(ˈviktəm). His dissatisfaction(disˌsatisˈfakSHən) was palpable(ˈpalpəbəl) as I refused to join him in his self-made prison(ˈprizən), which only made him want to try harder. But he was getting out of life exactly(igˈzak(t)lē) what he intended. He was a victim because he thought himself a victim.

One of the most important considerations when helping someone in a negative state is that you must avoid falling into negativity yourself. Negative people are energy vampires(ˈvamˌpī(ə)r). They have an almost endless(ˈen(d)ləs) capacity(kəˈpasitē) to dwell(dwel) on what they don’t want, whining(ī) and complaining about their lives while denying(diˈnī) responsibility(riˌspänsəˈbilətē) for their results. Their fear blocks the natural(ˈnaCHərəl) flow of energy from within(wiT͟Hˈin,wiˈTH-), so they must get it from other people instead(inˈsted). After spending(spend) a few hours with them, you’ll usually feel drained(drān), tired, worried, or stressed(stres). Positive people, on the other hand, have overcome their fears to such a degree that their energy flows outward. Consequently, they give energy instead of taking it. After spending time with very positive people, you’ll tend to feel energized, uplifted, and inspired. Most people are somewhere in the middle though, so the energy exchange tends to be close to neutral(ˈn(y)o͞otrəl).

It makes no difference what particular circumstances(-stəns,ˈsərkəmˌstans) negative people blame(blām) for their negative outlook. Ultimately(ˈəltəmitlē) it’s still a choice rooted in free will. No matter how unconscious(ˌənˈkänSHəs) the person was when making the decision to sink into negativity, in this moment that person still has the power to choose(CHo͞oz) otherwise. So if you decide to help such a person, your primary(ˈprīm(ə)rē,ˈprīˌmerē) role is to help guide(gīd) him to make a more conscious choice(CHois), one that will likely be much more empowering(emˈpou(-ə)r).